What do you get when you cross a pig and a tortoise?
A slow-pork.
Why was the pig crying? Because he was boar-ed to tears.
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him?
Filthy rich.
Why should you never share a bed with a pig? They hog all the covers.
Why are pigs awful basketball players?
They hog the ball.
What happened when the pig pen broke?
They had to use the pig pencil.
I saw a pig with laryngitis.
He was disgruntled.
What’s a pig’s favorite color? Ma-hog-any.
What do you call it when a beautiful woman tries to trick you into giving her a pig?
A bae con.
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
What did the pig say to his friend who had been cheated upon?
Please don't go bacon this relationship.
Why couldn’t the pig tie his shoelaces? He was too ham-fisted.
What do you call an imaginary pig? A pig-ment of your imagination.
What’s the one book all piglets read in grade school? A Series of Un-porcine-ite Events.
What do 99 percent of pigs ask for on their hamburgers? Piggles.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong? Mistaken bacon.
Why was the piglet whining.
He was boared out of his brains.
If your piglet wants to be a wizard, there’s only one alternative: Hogwarts.
Why did the pig get fired? Insu-boar-dination.
Did you hear about the pig that ran the Post Office?
He was the first Porkmaster General.
What did Mama pig ask her kids every day after school?
“Hoofeels hungry?”
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
If you want to name a smart pig, name him Cunningham.
What do you get when you pick a pig’s nose?
Ham boogers.
Why was the pig a pathological liar? It’s a porcine-ality disorder.
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him? Filthy rich.
What do you call a pig that drives around recklessly?
A road hog.
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
I read a story about pig anatomy.
It was all straightforward until I found a twist in the tale.
Why did the pig go to the casino?
To play the slop machine!
When pigs work together, it’s known as collab-boar-ation.
How do pigs get to the hospital?
In ham-bulances.
What happens when you play tug-of-war with a pug?
Pulled pork!
What are pigs celebrating when they celebrate their birthday? The day they were boar-n.
What do pigs do on the evening of February 14th?
They have a valenswines dinner.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
What do you have left after a pig eats a watermelon?
Pork rinds.
I entered my pig into a pig race but he pulled a ham string.
What do you call a pig who can’t mind his own business?
A nosey porker!
Did you hear about the piglets who wanted to do something special for Mother’s Day?
They threw a sowprize party.
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”.
Why should you never rob a bank with a pig?
They always squeal.
What do you call a guinea pig that has become a member of the mafia?
A hamster
What advice did the grandpa pig have for his kids?
“Don’t take anything for grunted.”
Pig always have ink all over their faces because they live in a pen.
What do you call a cold, angry pig? A ham-brr-grr.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
What do you give a sick pig?
Oinkment.
What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a pig?
Jurassic Pork.
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