The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
Do truckers prefer houses with long-haul ways?
I once decided to buy a baseball stadium. But my agent said he could only give me a ballpark estimate!
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
What happens when you marry the best real estate agent in town?
He sells you the engagement ring.
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!
A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an open house. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”
The realtor replies, “Brochure.”
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
What does a house wear?
Address.
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
My realtor sold me a two-story house.
One story before the offer, another story after the offer.
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
What did the realtor reply when I asked if he liked reading real estate magazines?
"Yes, I love reading them but only periodically".
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
Ten-ants.
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
What did the realtor say to his wife?
"Speaking with you felt like buying a house for the first time - thrilling and nervous."
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
How many realtors are needed to change a bulb?
Five. One to change, and four others to say they would have done it for a lower price.
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