What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
I couldn't chair less!
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.