Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
Nothing really mattress.
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
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