KID :"DAD, make me a sandwich."
DAD :"Poof, you're now a sandwich."
My dad was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
I have an uncle, once removed.
A kid is pouring himself some milk. His dad walks into the room and asked, "what kind of milk is that?" Kid says, "Soy milk". Dad replies with,
"Hola milk, soy dad."
I like telling dad jokes.
Sometimes he laughs.
Wife: why do dad's have the worst jokes?
Me: It's a rule, dads have to have cringy jokes
Wife: Who makes those rules?
Me: The Dad Poet Society
Wife: (Groan)
"Dad, how do you cast spells?"
"You just follow the instructions."
"Which instructions?"
"Yeah, they're the ones."
When dad died he left me his Subaru.
It was his final Legacy.
My dad didn’t love me as a child, but I don’t really blame him.
I wasn’t born until he was an adult.
My wife is fed up of my constant Dad jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?"
Wife: "Whatever means necessary!"
Me: "No it doesn't.”
My dad was the top clown at the circus, but unfortunately he passed away.
I guess I have some pretty big shoes to fill.
Do you know where I store all my dad jokes?
In a dad-a--base
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry
Me: It’s a sacrifice to the dryer gods.
My dad: It’s a sockrifice.
I remember asking my dad repeatedly what the acronym LGBTQ meant.
I never got a straight answer.
I know tons of dad jokes! Here’s one
1.
Dad: Years ago I had the opportunity to meet R.E.M., and we even took a picture together with my buddies.
Son: Where are you in the photo?
Dad: That's me in the corner.
After watching me read “War and Peace”, my son asked me, “Dad, why is the book so thick?”
Me: Well, it’s a long story.
The only good pun is a dad pun
but who am I kidding?
My dad is going through heart failure, and the first text that I get from him after sending him a card says:
“No more corny jokes, now just corn-orary jokes.”
When do you know a joke is a dad joke?
When the punchline is a parent.
Dad: "Knock, knock!" Kid: "Who's there?"
Dad: Spell!
Kid: Spell who?
Dad: W... H... O...
I was named after my dad
Because I couldn’t possibly have been named before him.
Was Just showing my dad my new living space. He asked “what’s upstairs?”
I Just responded with “dad, stairs don’t talk.”
How do you know when a joke becomes a dad joke?
It'll become apparent.
I don't have a "Dad Bod"
I have a father figure.
I had a great childhood, I remember my dad would put me in a tire & roll me down the hill all summer.
Those were Goodyears.
How can you tell your dad joke is a dad joke?
It’s fully groan.
Dad, are we pyromaniacs?
Yes, we arson.
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