Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?
That's a loaded Question
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
Never criticize a gun owner until you've walked a mile in his shoes
That way he'll be barefoot and you'll be out of range.
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
Why did all the passengers on the right side of the ship have dead cell phones?
They weren’t on the port side of the ship.
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.