What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?
Catch-22.
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
What do you call an imaginary yacht?
A dream boat.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?
That's a loaded Question
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
Go to BabaMail
