Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
Why did all the passengers on the right side of the ship have dead cell phones?
They weren’t on the port side of the ship.
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
Go to BabaMail
