If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
My friend sailed his yacht into the wharf very rapidly, crashing into the dock and causing a dent in the hull.
It's just a berth mark, he swears.
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
Red ship hits Blue ship...
Sailors marooned.
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
What do you call an imaginary yacht?
A dream boat.
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
Where do boats go when they feel sick?
To the dock.
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my wife about it.
She said there was a great sail.
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
I wasn't wearing hearing protection when the atom bomb went off.
Now I am become deaf, destroyer of worlds.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
What do you call a snail on a boat?
A snailor.
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?
That's a loaded Question
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
Why did all the passengers on the right side of the ship have dead cell phones?
They weren’t on the port side of the ship.
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
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