What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
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