The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
Nothing really mattress.
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
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