Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
I once decided to buy a baseball stadium. But my agent said he could only give me a ballpark estimate!
What happens when you marry the best real estate agent in town?
He sells you the engagement ring.
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
What does a house wear?
Address.
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
What did the realtor reply when I asked if he liked reading real estate magazines?
"Yes, I love reading them but only periodically".
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
What’s that feeling you get every month when the mortgage is due?
Homesick.
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an open house. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”
The realtor replies, “Brochure.”
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
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