Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
Why do you bring fish to a party?
You bring fish to a party because they go well with chips!
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
What’s the easiest way to catch fish? Have someone throw it at you!
How do shellfish get to the hospital?
In a clambulance!
Which fish is the most famous? The starfish.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
How do clams call their friends?
Clams call their friends on their shell phones!
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can't walk.
Where do fish save their money?
In the river bank.
What did the fish say when it swam into a brick wall?
Dam!
I watched a good film about fishing last night.
It had a great cast.
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school.
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A pirates favorite fish is a swordfish!
What is the most expensive kind of fish?
The goldfish.
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
Why do fish not like computers?
Because they are worried about getting caught in the Inter-net.
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale.
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Oysters don’t share their pearls because they’re shellfish!
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
I got an email today saying I could win $10,000 in a fishing competition.
But I'm sure there's a catch involved somewhere.
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood disco?
He pulled a mussel.
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
What fish like to fly?
Flying Fish
How to fish like to eat cereal?
In a fish bowl!
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
What do you call two octopuses that look alike?
I-tentacle twins!
Why are mice afraid of the water?
Because of catfish.
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
Are Jellyfish sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish?