What did Mama pig ask her kids every day after school?
“Hoofeels hungry?”
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree on me.
It was a hambush.
What do the lady pigs say when someone leaves the toilet seat up? “Hoof-orgot to put the seat down?"
What do you get when you cross a pig with a centipede?
Bacon and Legs.
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing? “I’m not a people porcine.”
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong? Mistaken bacon.
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
Why do piglets take home economics in school? To learn how to sow.
What kind of work do pigs do after school?
Hamwork.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
One of the punny pig names for a pig that loves Shakespeare is Hamlet.
What’s a pig’s favorite color? Ma-hog-any.
A local farmer has trained his pigs to perform ballet.
I’m going to see their production of swine lake.
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
What do pig’s use as soap? Hogwash.
Q. What do swine use to chat up a date?
A. Pig-Up Lines!
What happened when the pig pen broke?
They had to use the pig pencil.
When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
What do you call a pig that drives around recklessly?
A road hog.
Why was the pig crying? Because he was boar-ed to tears.
What does an obstinate piglet always say to his mama?
“Sow what?”
What do you call it when a beautiful woman tries to trick you into giving her a pig?
A bae con.
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him? Filthy rich.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”
Did you hear about the piglets who wanted to do something special for Mother’s Day?
They threw a sowprize party.
Why do pigs make awful football players?
They don’t like playing with the “pig skin.”
Why did the pig break up with her boyfriend?
Because he was a boar.
Why did the piglet yell at his sibling at the dinner table?
She was hogging all the food!
What happens when you play tug-of-war with a pug?
Pulled pork!
What advice did the grandpa pig have for his kids?
“Don’t take anything for grunted.”
How do pigs get to the hospital?
In ham-bulances.
What did the pig say on the warm summer’s day?
“I’m bacon.”
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
Why are pigs awful basketball players?
They hog the ball.
If your piglet wants to be a wizard, there’s only one alternative: Hogwarts.
When the pig had a quarrel with his wife, he ended up having a gilt trip.
When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.
Why couldn’t the pig tie his shoelaces? He was too ham-fisted.
Why was the piglet whining.
He was boared out of his brains.
According to pig etiquette, piglets are meant to be porcine and not heard.
What do you call a pig that does a lot of charity work?
Philanthropig
Why should you never rob a bank with a pig?
They always squeal.
Why did the pig get fired? Insu-boar-dination.
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing?
“I’m not a people porcine.”