What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
Why don’t fish play basketball?
Because they're afraid of the net.
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
‘I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!’
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
Where do fish wash?
In a river basin.
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
Which sea creatures cry the most?
Whales!
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Oysters don’t share their pearls because they’re shellfish!
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
Why are mice afraid of the water?
Because of catfish.
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
How does a group of sea turtles make a decision?
They flipper a coin.
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood disco?
He pulled a mussel.
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
Are Jellyfish sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish?
Where do fish stay on a campsite?
Fish stay in tentacles while they are camping!
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school.
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
What's a fish's favorite musical instrument?
A bass guitar.
What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.
Why did the sailor throw a penny into the whale’s mouth?
The sailor thought he was was a wishing whale!
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
I got an email today saying I could win $10,000 in a fishing competition.
But I'm sure there's a catch involved somewhere.
What’s the easiest way to catch fish? Have someone throw it at you!
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A pirates favorite fish is a swordfish!
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can't walk.
Which fish is the most famous? The starfish.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
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