Why do fish not like computers?
Because they are worried about getting caught in the Inter-net.
Why are mice afraid of the water?
Because of catfish.
How does a group of sea turtles make a decision?
They flipper a coin.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
Why did the fish cross the road?
The chicken had the days off!
Why do you bring fish to a party?
You bring fish to a party because they go well with chips!
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.
Why is it easy to spot a Cinderella-fish? They have glass flippers!
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
Which fish is the most famous? The starfish.
What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
What’s the coldest fish in the sea?
A blue whale!
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Oysters don’t share their pearls because they’re shellfish!
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood disco?
He pulled a mussel.
What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage?
A perch!
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
Why don’t fish play basketball?
Because they're afraid of the net.
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
What fish are at the zoo?
Lion fish!
Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
What is the most expensive kind of fish?
The goldfish.
What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
How to fish like to eat cereal?
In a fish bowl!
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
Which day do fish hate the most?
Fry-day.
Which sea creatures cry the most?
Whales!
What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A pirates favorite fish is a swordfish!
What's a fish's favorite musical instrument?
A bass guitar.
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
Where do fish wash?
In a river basin.
What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee-fish!
What’s the easiest way to catch fish? Have someone throw it at you!
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
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