What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
Why did the fish cross the road?
The chicken had the days off!
Why are mice afraid of the water?
Because of catfish.
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
What did the fish say when it swam into a brick wall?
Dam!
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can't walk.
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
I watched a good film about fishing last night.
It had a great cast.
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
How do you confuse a fish?
Put the fish in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner.
Why do fish not like computers?
Because they are worried about getting caught in the Inter-net.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
How do shellfish get to the hospital?
In a clambulance!
What is the most expensive kind of fish?
The goldfish.
There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.
Two haddock got battered.
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school.
How do you catch an electric eel?
You can catch an electric eel with a lightning rod!
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon.
Where do fish save their money?
In the river bank.
How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
What do fish take to stay healthy?
Fish take Vitamin Sea to stay healthy!
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
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