What's black and white and eats like a horse?
A zebra.
What did the ponies do when it was raining? Stay ind-horse.
What kind of car do fancy horses drive?
Mustangs.
Where do horses get their mane cut?
The hair-dressager.
A pony goes to see the doctor one day.
He says, "Doc, you've got to help me. I've had this terrible sore throat for weeks and I think there must be some badly wrong."
The doctor examines him and then reassures him saying, "It's okay, it's nothing serious; you're just a little horse."
What’s a horse’s favorite grocery store?
No-fillies.
Why was the horse such a good dancer?
It perfected its halturn.
How did the horse make payments?
In in-stallion-ments.
What does a Clydesdale say when you offer them a carrot?
“Of course, my horse.”
What do you call an explosive horse?
Neigh-palm.
What do racehorses eat?
Fast food.
How do horses greet each other?
“Hayyyyy.”
Where do horses buy groceries?
Whinny-Dixie.
Why was the pony so excited to be invited to a rally with the president?
It was a huge end-horse-ment.
What were the ponies most excited for in the meal?
The main horse.
How do horses get to another star system? They travel through intergalloptic space.
What’s a horse’s favorite dance move?
Watch me whip, now watch me neigh neigh.
Why didn’t the horse tell her friend she was a thief?
She didn’t want to saddle her with that information.
What’s a horse’s favorite sport?
Saddleball.
What do ponies look for in a vehicle?
Lots of horsepower.
What did the teenage horse say when her phone broke?
I canter even.
How did the horse get up the stairs?
He mounted them.
What do you call a rainbow you ride your horse on?
A rein-bow.
Why would a horse make a good president?
They know how to lead.
Black Beauty - Now there's a dark horse.
What’s the spiciest way to clean a horse?
With a curry comb.
Why did they stop giving the horse grass?
They wanted it to be less green.
What do horses get after graduating university?
A pedegree.
What is the coldest type of horse?
A freezian.
Beat funny horse puns
What’s a horse’s favorite makeup brand?
Neighhhbelline.
How does a horse get a suit fitted?
With a tail-or.
What sickness do cowboys get from riding wild horses?
Bronchitis.
Why couldn’t the equestrian find the carrots? They were down by the bay.
Where do horses go to the bathroom?
The bathroom stall-ion.
How do horses show gratitude?
Flank you very much.
What’s a horse’s favorite animated movie?
Bolt.
What do you call a horse on a boat attached to land?
Docked.
What do you call a horse going down a waterslide?
Horseback sliding.
How does a horse make paper mâché?
With newspaper clip-clop-pings.
How does a horse drink wine?
With a de-canter.
What’s a racehorse’s favorite clothing brand? Jockey.
Why did the horse like her new backpack?
The straps were adju-stable.
How do you wash a horse?
On a sponge-line.
Why did the pony turn himself in?
He felt rem-horse.
What does the winged horse do after it goes to the bathroom?
Pegaflushes.
What do winged horses attend in school? Pegclasses.
What do horses eat with their salad? Dressage-ing.
What did the jockey respond when someone asked to ride his horse?
“Dis-mount is mine.”
What did the horse say to his friend that didn’t come party last night?
You didn’t turnout.
Why are horses so good at the shooting range?
They’re hunters.
How did the horse solve a murder?
Compiled newspaper clippings.
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