What do you call a horse running on a table?
A counter canter.
How do you wash a horse?
On a sponge-line.
Where do horses buy groceries?
Whinny-Dixie.
Where do you take a sick pony?
To the horse-pital.
What’s the spiciest way to clean a horse?
With a curry comb.
Who did the horse ask to be his second wife?
A manewer model.
What does a workhorse like to drink?
A Moscow Mule.
What’s happens to the sportiest horse?
It gets to be first horse-pick of the draft.
Why does the horse go to school?
It brings her fulfillyment.
What kind of car do fancy horses drive?
Mustangs.
Why did the horse never get cold?
It was a Dutch warmblood.
What did the horse say when it saw a sheepdog?
“Why is your furlong?”
What do horses eat with their salad? Dressage-ing.
Why do horses make good lawyers?
Attention to de-tail.
What’s a horse’s favorite dance move?
Watch me whip, now watch me neigh neigh.
What did the Clydesdale use to deal cards at the casino?
A horse-shoe.
Where do horses get their weaves from?
Mane.
How did the horse get up the stairs?
He mounted them.
What is the coldest type of horse?
A freezian.
Beat funny horse puns
What’s a horse’s favorite makeup brand?
Neighhhbelline.
Where do horses go to the bathroom?
The bathroom stall-ion.
What’s a horse’s favorite grocery store?
No-fillies.
Where do horses live in Harry Potter?
Diagonal Alley.
How does a horse make paper mâché?
With newspaper clip-clop-pings.
What’s a horse’s favorite sport?
Saddleball.
How do winged horses walk if they become pirates?
Peg-asus legs.
What kind of horse would Bilbo Baggins ride?
A shire.
Why is Pegasus so smart?
He’s all kno-wing.
How does a Pegasus ask her boyfriend to propose?
She says “You’ve got to put a wing on it.”
Why did the pony turn himself in?
He felt rem-horse.
What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Stable.
What do racehorses eat?
Fast food.
Why couldn’t the equestrian find the carrots? They were down by the bay.
What did one horse say to the other after he said he wanted to drop out?
That’s an equestionable decision.
Why didn’t the horse tell her friend she was a thief?
She didn’t want to saddle her with that information.
What’s a horse’s favorite animated movie?
Bolt.
Where do horses get their mane cut?
The hair-dressager.
What did the teenage horse say when her phone broke?
I canter even.
How do mares keep track of their boyfriends?
A stud book.
Black Beauty - Now there's a dark horse.
How do ponies react when the opposing team comes on the field?
They horse-boo.
What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse's mouth?
A mechanic.
How could you tell the horse gained weight?
It had extra girth.
What do you call a horse that lives next door to you?
A neigh-bor.
What were the ponies most excited for in the meal?
The main horse.
What’s a racehorse’s favorite clothing brand? Jockey.
Why couldn’t the little girl ride the horse?
It was feeling bucky.
Why did the horse go to jail?
The prosecutors failed to show the burden of hoof.
Why was Pegasus such a good ballerina?
He was flo-wing.
How does a horse drink wine?
With a de-canter.
What kind of horse do you ride after dark?
A night mare.
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