What did the deer say to his friend who has slipping down the mountain?
Hang on for deer life!
What is most gorillas' favorite book to study in English class at high school?
The Apes Of Wrath.
What's an owl's favorite subject at school?
Owl-gebra.
Have you ever seen a fish cry?
No, but I’ve seen a whale blubber.
What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A snake in the brass.
What do you get when you cross a pig with a centipede?
Bacon and Legs.
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves.
What do you call a freezing bear?
A brrrrrrr.
What kind of shark is always gambling?
A card shark.
Why do flamingos make bad pets? They are too much of a birden.
How do bats tell their future? They read their horrorscope.
What do you call it when evil worms take over the world?
Global Worming!
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
What do you call a kangaroo sanctuary?
A kazoo.
What do you get when two giraffes run into each other?
A giraffic jam.
What did the bat say to the diabetic? Nice knawing you!
A honey bee lands on a flower but is quickly kicked off by the spider living there. Perturbed, he flies away and lands on a different flower...
It was a cross pollination.
What do you call a baby monkey?
A chimp off the old block.
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
Why was the UN concerned when the waiter dropped Thanksgiving dinner?
Because it meant the fall of turkey, the ruin of grease, and the breakup of china.
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot!
I was she-shocked when my pet turtle died.
What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo? Bronco-saurus or a Tyrannasourus Tex
What do you call an immature goat?
A silly billy.
What do you call a Triceratops who scores his first goal? Dino- score!
I was at the beach today when I saw a man in the sea yelling “Help, shark! Help!”
I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
What has four legs and goes Oom, Oom?
A cow walking backwards.
Why don’t koalas like fast food? Because it’s too hard for them to catch.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
What do you call a goat swimming in the sea?
Billy Ocean.
How do snails make important calls? On shell phones.
What is a polar bear’s favorite cereal?
Ice Crispies.
Why did the cat get fined? He was caught littering
What do you call two worms in love?
Soilmates.
Why couldn’t the equestrian find the carrots? They were down by the bay.
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
What do the lady pigs say when someone leaves the toilet seat up? “Hoof-orgot to put the seat down?"
What kind of cats love to go bowling? Alley cats!
TIL that, on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.
What do you call a dinosaur that left its armor out in the rain ? A Stegosau-rust.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
I had to carry a group of crows once.
It was murder on my back!
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
What do you call a liquid kangaroo?
Marsoupial.
What’s worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
A centipede with athlete’s foot.
Where did Velociraptor buy things? At a dino-store!
What do you call it when you boil a water buffalo?
A mist steak.
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
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