What do dinosaurs have that no other animals have? Baby Dinosaurs.
Where do prehistoric reptiles like to go on vacation? To the dino-shore.
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
What do beavers like to put on their salads?
Branch dressing.
My friend’s parrot lost his beak in a fan accident and he wanted to find a prosthetic. I sent him to my Uncle Tony.
He fits the bill.
Baby seal walks into a club...
Years later he would sing A kiss from a rose in the same club.
Q: How does a tiger stop a video?
A: By pressing paws.
Why did the parrot cross the road? Just beak-ause!
Sometimes we eat a crow while other times we eat Croatia.
I said some stubtly racist stuff to a magpie
She was a victim of my crow aggressions.
What is the biggest ant in the world?
An elephant.
What do you call a mouse that doesn’t like being known about-?
Anonymouse.
What do you call a cat that has a hundred legs? A cat-erpillar.
What do you call a mouse with no balls?
Optical.
What do you call a truck-load of tortoises crashing into a train-load of terrapins?
A turtle disaster.
What board game do deer families always play?
Buck-gammon.
What did the reindeer dad tell his son?
Deer to be different!
What is the difference between a deer nut and a beer nut?
“A beer nut is often more than a buck but a deer nut is always under a buck.”
How do you draw flies?
With a pencil!
What do you get if you cross a talking parrot with a gorilla?
I am not sure but if he says something you better damn well listen.
Where does a Tyrannosaurus sit when he comes to stay? Anywhere he wants to.
Is a mountain goat a hillbilly?
How did the horse make payments?
In in-stallion-ments.
What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk?
Dirty looks from the mouse!
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
In what country is Thanksgiving ironically not celebrated? Turkey.
The lobster is one shell of an animal.
What goes white black white black white black red?
A panda that falls from a cliff.
What do you get if you cross a pigeon and a parrot? Voicemail!
What praise did a bat’s friend deserve? A bat on the back.
What did the dolphin say to its friend who wouldn’t stop lying?
Stop spouting nonsense!
How do you make a glow worm happy?
Cut off his tail, he’ll be de-lighted!
Why was the farmer angry?
Because someone got his goat.
What happens when a duck flies upside down?
It quacks up.
How does a horse get a suit fitted?
With a tail-or.
What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Stable.
What’s a shark’s favorite science fiction TV show?
Shark Trek.
What do you call a well-dressed ant?
Eleg-ant.
There was a recent study showing that crows were hit a lot more by trucks than cars...
they came to the conclusion that this was because crows can warn each other by going "CAAAR CAAAR" but can't say "TRUCK TRUCK".
Why does the rabbit bring toilet paper to the party? Because he is a party pooper.
What part of a flamingo has the most feathers?
The outside.
What did hear about the two bats meeting?
It was love at first bite!
I use a crow to wake me up in the morning.
There’s caws for alarm.
The reason the cow wore a bell around her neck was because her horn didn’t work anymore.
What kind of work do pigs do after school?
Hamwork.
What do you call a koala with no teeth? A gummy bear.
What’s the one book all piglets read in grade school? A Series of Un-porcine-ite Events.
What did the beaver say to the river? Meet me around the bend.
Where do rabbits work? At IHOP restaurants!
What kind of fish do you catch with Gummy Worms?
Swedish Fish.
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