What's the difference between a sniper with Parkinson's Disease and a constipated owl?
One can shoot but can't hit...
Do you know what a beavers' favorite snack is? Wood chips.
What should you do if you find a dinosaur in your bed ? Find somewhere else to sleep!
What kind of sharks make good carpenters?
Hammerheads.
Why was the piglet whining.
He was boared out of his brains.
My lobster's name is:
Claude
Q. Why was the stag thrown in the army brig?
A. Due to deer-eliction of duty.
When does a Koala go "moo"? When it is learning a new language!
A gang of ravens scared off individual crows and cornered them together. Well, you can say that a conspiracy of ravens preplanned a murder of crows.
Where do frogs leave their hats and coats?
In the croakroom.
Dad Bee left. Mama Bee calls out ...
Honeycomb home!
My grandfather recently passed, and I discovered in his journal that he has an immense hatred for sloths, pandas, and koala bears. Looking back, it was obvious.
He was always going on about those darn tree-huggers.
An introvert elephant and an emo giraffe walked into a bar.
They couldn’t fit in.
What do crocodiles wear to keep their legs dry in the water?
Gaiters.
What kind of fish do you catch with Gummy Worms?
Swedish Fish.
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
If a lamb and tiger were crossed, you would end up with a striped sweater.
What did the bear say when her date showed up too early?
I’ll be out in a minute, I’m bearly dressed.
What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone?
A golden receiver.
Why did the duck detective get the key to the city?
Because he quacked the case.
There is nothing impaws-sible if you’re as brave as a tiger!
Why isn't the the koala a real bear? He doesn't have the right koalifications.
Where do parrots invest their money?
In the stork market
What do you call a turtle who takes up photography?
A snapping turtle.
How does spider man always come up with such clever comebacks?
Because with great power, comes great response ability.
What is the coldest type of horse?
A freezian.
Beat funny horse puns
What’s a horse’s favorite makeup brand?
Neighhhbelline.
What happens when you buy a dog from the blacksmith?
When he gets home he’ll make a bolt for the door.
What do you call a rabbit that has fleas?
Bugs bunny.
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
What was the first car Henry Fordasaurus invented? A Model T-Rex.
A goat came out of nowhere and headbutted me
It was a ram-done act of violence
Q. How do you describe the inate behavior of a new mother deer?
A. Doe-ting
What does an alligator do when he loses his tail?
It goes to a re-tail store.
The sheep says to the shepherd "you're an jerk and I hate you!" and the shepherd says "Say what?"
And the sheep goes "You herd me!"
How come Crabs never share with their friends?
Because they're Shellfish.
Why did the T-Rex eat hamburgers? Because he is a meat eater!
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
How can a camel walk the desert without getting hungry? Because of all the sandwhiches there.
What’s a buck’s least favorite sandwich bread?
Sour doe.
Why don't crabs give birthday presents?
Because they're just shellfish.
What did the horse reply when asked if it can jump 3 feet?
“I lope so!”
What did the fish say when it swam into a brick wall?
Dam!
What is a gorillas second favourite fruit to eat behind bananas?=
Ape-ricots
What do you call a 100 year old ant?
An ant-ique.
Why did the girl pour glue into her fishbowl?
She wanted to make a fish stick!
Where do you get frog's eggs?
At the spawn shop.
I got an email today saying I could win $10,000 in a fishing competition.
But I'm sure there's a catch involved somewhere.
What do you say when your horse proposes to your other horse?
Call the marrier!
What do you call an electrically charged seal?
A seal ion.
A beaver's experience in college deep-ends on if they go to the best university.
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