What is small, has a long tail and works with the police?
A gerbil shepherd dog!
I finally found out why flamingos sleep with one leg up! If they had both legs up they would fall over.
For waterproofing their nests, crows buy caw-king.
Q. Which deer was a fascist dictator?
A. Moose Al Ini.
An army of werewolves is known as a Fur-eign Legion.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
What do chickens call school tests?
Eggs-aminations.
Why do owls shower so often?
So they don’t smell fowl.
What is a gorillas second favourite fruit to eat behind bananas?=
Ape-ricots
Where is a frog's favorite place to eat?
At IHOP.
Turtles communicate with each other through shell phones.
What do you call a bee trying to make up its mind?
A maybee
What’s the difference between a crow and a chicken?
A chicken can crow, but a crow can’t chicken.
What do you call a mouse with no balls?
Optical.
What’s black and white and as hard as a rock?
A panda that’s fallen in cement.
What do you call a Spanish goat with no hind legs?
Gracias.
Where do you find giant snails? At the end of giants fingers!
What's as big as a dinosaur but weighs nothing? Her shadow!
What’s a goat’s favorite musical?
Joseph and his Amazing Technicolor Dream Goat.
I really like the Lion King
and every day the urge to sing one of the songs is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away.
What do crows drink in order to stay awake? They drink cawfee.
What’s a gorilla’s favourite pop group? A: Bananarama!
What is a lion’s favourite cheese?
Roarquefort
Q: How did the tiger perform during the show?
A: He was a roaring success.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite candy?
Lollihops.
Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?
Because then the kids have to play indoors.
There once was a koala who could run at a speed of more than 800 miles per hour. He was the first koala to break the sound bearier.
What do you get if you cross a worm and an elephant? Very big worm holes in your garden.
What do you call a hamster in between two slices of bread?
A ham sandwich.
What happens to great actors? They get nominated for an a-cat-emy award!
What do you get when you cross two fish with two elephants?
A pair of swimming trunks.
What is a nerdy alligator’s favorite programming language?
Jaw-va.
How do the cool camels say hello?
"How you dune?"
What’s green and hangs from trees?
Giraffe snot.
What kind tree grows chickens?
Poultry.
Our kids tee ball team, the Tigers, won the championship. All the parents were very proud and put in for a little statuette of the front of a tiger to give them to celebrate. When it came in, for some reason it was the back half of a tiger.
Needless to say, it was a cat ass trophy.
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
What do you get when you cross a pig and a tortoise?
A slow-pork.
How do bears keep their houses cool in summer?
Bear conditioning.
I was riding my bike through the countryside when I was attacked by a herd of sheep!
Fortunately, I was only grazed.
I'm going to combine my interests of taxidermy and bomb making
by making you an otter you can't defuse.
What is a deer’s favorite meal?
Deer-ner!
Why was Pegasus such a good ballerina?
He was flo-wing.
Why did the Buddhist gorilla get locked out of his monastery?
He forgot his monk-key
What do you call a fight between squirrels?
A squarrel
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice burg-ers.
What do you call a monkey at the North Pole?
Lost.
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
What did the duck say when he dropped the dishes?
“I hope I didn’t quack any.”
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