What noise does a gorilla’s doorbell make?
King Kong
My wife has been giving me a hard time about my drinking. Eventually, I agreed to quit cold turkey.
Never cared for leftovers anyway.
Who is a snake’s favorite actor?
Humphrey Boa-gart.
What does a giant Tyrannosaurus eat? Anything she wants!
How does a koala get from one place to another? On a gondkoala.
What kind of aquatic animal thinks you did a good job?
The seal of approval.
What do you call a light-headed elephant?
An ele-faint.
What do rabbits say before they eat? Lettuce pray.
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
What sound do 8 sheep make?
Octo-bah.
What do you get if you cross a bat with a woodpecker?
Bat-a-tat.
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
Why do gorillas have really big fingers?
Because they have really big nostrils!
What do you call a Spanish goat with no hind legs?
Gracias.
The wolf crossed the road because it was chasing the chicken.
What did the duck do after he read all these jokes?
He quacked up.
How do mares keep track of their boyfriends?
A stud book.
Why are parrots so loyal? They are a man of their bird!
What did the horse reply when asked if it can jump 3 feet?
“I lope so!”
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
How do you save a drowning mouse? Use mouse to mouse resuscitation!
What did the bunny say to its crush? Hey there hop stuff.
What natural disaster took out the ancient horses?
A volcanic stirruption.
Because they got turtle recall, turtles never forget.
What do rodents say when they play bingo? 'Eyes down for a full mouse'!
Wondering what crows wear during Halloween, well, they wear caw-stumes.
How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!
What do beavers like to put on their salads?
Branch dressing.
Where was the dinosaur when the sun went down ? In the dark!
Why did the T-Rex eat hamburgers? Because he is a meat eater!
What's grey, beautiful and wears glass slippers?
Cinderella-phant.
What’s black and white, black and white, and black and white?
A penguin rolling down a hill.
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
A French photographer and his friend from Czechoslovakia were visiting Australia.
Unfortunately, one day they got too close to a nesting site and were attacked and eaten by a pair of crocodiles.
The female ate the Frenchman.
The Czech was in the male.
How do penguins drink?
Out of beak-ers.
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
Two fruit flies are out for dinner.
I'm really enjoy this date...”
“Yeah, but it’s only half rotten.”
Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang?
Because it’ll come back to bite you.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
How did the tigers greet the other animals in the jungle? "Hey! Pleased to eat you."
What do polar bears have for lunch?
Ice burgers.
What style of classical music do sheep most enjoy?
Baa-roque
Where does a cat keep its coins? In its purr-se.
What did the duck say when the waitress came?
Put it on my bill.
Why are frogs so good at basketball?
Because they always make jump shots.
You were mauled by a gang of squirrels. You want to sue them but no lawyer wants to take your case. Why?
They think you are nuts.
What do you call a turkey's evil twin?
A Gobblegänger.
My dyslexia has reached a new owl.
What did the dolphin say when it broke its neighbor’s window?
It wasn’t on porpoise!
I went into a pet shop and said: "I would like a pet parrot for my daughter."
Confused, the owner replied: "Sorry, we don't do swaps."
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