Where do fish save their money?
In the river bank.
What birds like to write?
Penguins!
A slow poke is what you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine.
What is a gorillas favourite ice cream flavour.
Chocolate chimp.
I caught a fruit fly in the air and killed it.
I'm a gnatural born killer.
How will a crow with a cold fever sound like? Caw-ph, Caw-ph.
A flamingo only ever asks for a plaster when it hurts its pinky.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with an alien?
A Mars-upial.
One of the punny pig names for a pig that loves Shakespeare is Hamlet.
What’s the difference between a dog and a gator?
A dog’s bark is worse than its bite.
What do you call a cemetery for bears?
Bearial grounds.
I'm giving away my legless parrot, no perches necessary!
Ravens fans are so tough....they hang out in crowbars.
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
Why don’t anteaters get sick?
Because they’re full of antibodies.
Why are crows the safest flying birds?
They're the most CAWtious.
What do you call a bear that jumps but never lands?
Peter Panda.
What did the koala write in his Valentine’s Day card to his girlfriend? “I love you-calyptus”.
Q. How do the doe and stag open the entry to their vacation cabin in the woods?
A. They just turn the deer knob.
What type of tool does a prehistoric reptile carpenter use? A dino-saw. Who makes the best prehistoric reptile clothes ? A dino-sewer.
Why couldn't the housefly board the plane?
It was on the no fly list
Where are sharks from?
Finland!
The last ten times I’ve been to a fancy dress party, I’ve gone as a shark.
The joke’s wearing fin.
What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage?
A perch!
Why was the baby ant confused?
Because all his uncles were ants.
What do you call a kids book about otters? Harry Otter.
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues.
What do you call a man who is too big for an alligator to eat?
A jawbreaker.
Why do Penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they haven’t got any pockets.
Why was the penguin a good race car driver?
He always started in pole position.
How do baby horses get tucked in at night?
They get told a tail.
I saw a beaver and I thought it was odd. Then I saw another semiaquatic creature and I thought it was otter.
Q. What is a gorilla in a wheelchair called?
A. Dis-ape-led.
What is a polar bear’s favorite snack?
Brrrrrittos.
Two flies were fighting on a toilet seat.
One got pissed.
My dyslexia has reached a new owl.
What do you name a synthetic parrot?
PollyEster
What did the river say when it saw beavers for the first time? “Well, I’ll be dammed.”
My wife: Oh look, here's instructions on building a carpenter bee trap.
Me: Shouldn't they be able to do that themselves?
Why was the pig a pathological liar? It’s a porcine-ality disorder.
Why could not the young vampire bat play baseball?
He was a bat boy.
What newspaper do cows read?
The Daily Moos.
How is cat food sold? Usually, purr can!
What did the deer tell his buddy before he took a test?
“Good buck!”
What is a three toed sloth's favorite kind of chip?
Fritos.
What do you call a wasp who is having a bad hair day?
A frizz-bee
What do you call a royal goat wearing denim?
Billy Jean King.
Why don’t tigers like fast food?
Because they can’t catch it!
Our flamingo colleague was leaving for a new job recently. We all told him to flamingo for it.
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
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