Why are alligator comedians so funny?
Their wit is as razor sharp as their teeth!
Where does a lobster keep its clothes?
In the clawset!
What’s a horse’s favorite dance move?
Watch me whip, now watch me neigh neigh.
What squeaks as it solves crimes?
Miami mice!
Which birds are good at holding things together?
Velcrows.
What do you call a frog spy?
A croak and dagger agent.
What do seals do when they need medical attention?
Sea kelp.
What did the deer say when she wanted to be left alone?
“Doe away!”
How did the kittens express their love for each other? In Holy Catrimony
Q. Why was the blonde disappointed after her visit to an apiary?
A. There weren't any gorillas there. DUH!
Why did the chicken go to KFC?
He wanted to see a chicken strip.
What is the best thing to do if you notice a gorilla is sitting at your desk?
Find another place to sit.
How do you know when a baby koala bear is happy? You’ll see them jump for joey!
What do you call it when a dinosaur gets in a car accident? Tyrannasaurus wreck!
What is a crocodiles favourite dessert?
Brandy snaps.
What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
Open toad sandals.
What did the bat say to the diabetic? Nice knawing you!
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
What is a flamingo's favorite ride at a theme park? The flamingo-karts.
What do you call an alligator who kills bugs all day long?
A fumigator.
My flamingo friends are always making me pay for dinner. I find that they can be real cheepskates.
Why did the beaver stop cutting down trees?
The work gave him gnawsea
What kind of monkey likes seafood?
A shrimpanzee.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
What do pigs learn in the army? Ham to ham combat.
Flamingos do annoy each other sometimes. Apparently this is because they enjoy ruffling feathers.
What kind of music do frogs listen to?
Hip hop.
What do you get when a duck bends over?
It’s Buttquack
What do you call an alert ant?
Vigil-ant.
What happens when two snails get into a fight? They slug it out!
What did the owl say to the judge?
I’m talon you, it wasn’t me.
I use a crow to wake me up in the morning.
There’s caws for alarm.
What was the scariest prehistoric animal? The Terror-dactyl!
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
What do you call two polar bears jerking each other off?
Bipolar.
What do you call a monkey with a banana in each ear?
Anything you want, he can’t hear you.
Large, pink birds are a good asset to a football team. They’re very used to playing flamingoalie.
Why is it hard to carry on a conversation with a goat?
Because they are always butting in.
Q. Which Greek eggplant dish do deer really eat up?
A. Moose-aka.
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
What do you call a gorilla with a million dollars?
A gorillanaire
What does a cow put on his French toast?
Moooolasses.
What did the koala write in his Valentine’s Day card to his girlfriend? “I love you-calyptus”.
What's the difference between and Buffalo and a Bison?
You can't wash your face in a Buffalo.
Heard about the beaver who can split huge logs with his eyes? Yes, he just saw the logs, and they broke into two.
Had beaver curry last night.
Bit like a normal curry, just a little otter.
What holiday do bats love best?
St. Bat-rich’s Day.
How did the shark do on his test?
Fin-Tastic!
Who in the hell names their son “Tiger” ?
Only people in the Woods’