How do horses get to another star system? They travel through intergalloptic space.
What do you do if a rabbit keeps pooping in your yard? Take him to a pellet court.
What noise does a gorilla’s doorbell make?
King Kong
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
Why did the sloth get fired from his job?
He would only do the bear minimum.
How did the macho bee with eczema feel?
B-Itchy
Why did one camel spit and stomp when the other camel stole its cheese?
Because they’re “dramadairies”
The group of crows that attacked the lady was accused of murder, the cawps are still looking for the probable caws.
Dear Turkey, don't worry... they only love us for our breasts too. Sincerely, all women.
Why didn’t the teddy bear want any dessert?
He was already stuffed.
Flamingos can be a bit of a daring bunch. In fact, they always fly by the seat of their pants.
Why didn’t the koala bear get the job? He was underkoalafied. How did he fix this? By going back to koalage.
What did Homer Simpson say when he saw a female deer?
“Doe!”
What does a monkey wear while cooking?
An ape-ron.
What did the llama say to the grass?
“Nice gnawing you!”
What do you call 144 kangaroos in a box?
Gross.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners!
What does a Clydesdale say when you offer them a carrot?
“Of course, my horse.”
The inventor of mosquito repellent likely did not know where to begin...
I guess he would have to start from scratch.
How do you save a drowning mouse ?
Use mouse to mouse resuscitation !
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
We did not understand what the mother turtle was saying because it was all in ridleys.
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
Once you've seen one Lion eat a Giraffe...
You've seen a maul!
Why did the bunny say to the duck? You quack me up!
Q. Who walks around the suburbs trying to sell venison meat?
A. A deer-to-door salesmant.
What is a cat’s favorite type of bird? An e-mew!
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snow bank.
What is a cat’s favorite magazine? Good Mousekeeping.
What do you call a gorilla in a cement-mixer?
King Koncrete.
How does a penguin build it’s house?
Igloos it together.
Why did the junkie adopt a one legged crow?
So he could get crow cane from his vet.
What did Tom get when he locked Jerry in the freezer? Mice cubes!
How can you tell if a crab is drunk?
It walks straight
Why did the thieves kidnap the monkey?
Because they believed in gibbon take.
Two European frogs discuss their ancestry
"So, are you a complete french frog?"
"No. I'm a tad-pole."
What is a cat’s favorite vegetable? As-purr-agus.
Q. What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
What do you call an elephant with an aerial on his head?
An elephant-enna.
The lobster is one shell of an animal.
What do you call a kangaroo that asks for seconds on ramen?
A more-soupial
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
Went on a walk today. Had a couple of crows following me around. I'm pretty sure I have the corvid.
What do you call it when a Crocodile becomes an Elvis Impersonator?
Crocabilly
What do you call a Stegosaurus with carrots in its ears? Anything you want, it can't hear you!
I thought of premeditated murder and a flash mob of crows came to my mind.
Why does a duck say quack?
Because it can’t say moo.
What did the confused cat say? I’m purr-plexed!
What is a koala bear’s favorite line in the movie “The Sixth Sense”? “Aussie dead people.”
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