To whom did the squirrel go to seek out his fortune.
Nutradamus.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with an alien?
A Mars-upial.
What do you call a cemetery for bears?
Bearial grounds.
Why are bunnies always tired in April? Because they just finished a March.
What did the zoologist and the herbalist name their child? Tiger Woods.
Where do rabbits learn how to fly? In the hare force!
What is a parrot's favourite colour shade?
Polly-chromatic
Why are flamingos such good patients?
They’re used to wading.
What do you call a truck-load of tortoises crashing into a train-load of terrapins?
A turtle disaster.
What do you call a goat swimming in the sea?
Billy Ocean.
What goes dot-dot-croak, dot-dash-croak?
Morse toad.
How does a bee get to school?
She takes a school buzz
What was the owl’s favorite Whitney Houston song?
Owl always love you.
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck... It was a camel tow
What do you call an angry kangaroo?
Hopping mad.
Why did the elephant start the stampede?
Because it wanted to be herd.
Why did the advertising tycoons hire a bunch of apes?
They were running a gorilla marketing campaign.
What's green, green, green, green, green?
A frog rolling down a hill.
Q: Why are tigers religious?
A: Because they prey frequently, and prey as a family!
What says “Quick, Quick”?
A duck with the hiccups
What's green and hangs from trees? Dinosaur snot.
What do you call an electrically charged seal?
A seal ion.
Where do flies go for a holiday?
Flywaii.
What do you get when two giraffes run into each other?
A giraffic jam.
What did the mom say to her kitten when she caught him slouching? Paw attention to your paw-sture!
The reason you will see all the cows lie down when it starts to rain is because they want to keep each
udder dry.
What hotel do mice stay in ? The Stilton
Why was the Whale bank heist so successful?
Because it was a whale orca-strated plan
Which Halloween treat is going to keep a crow up all night? A crowfee apple.
Q. Why doesn't a big gorilla have to flush the toilet?
A. He scares the sh*t out of it!
My wife: Oh look, here's instructions on building a carpenter bee trap.
Me: Shouldn't they be able to do that themselves?
What do koalas do when they see social injustice happening in the world? They fight for ekoalaty!
What did the duck do after he read all these jokes?
He quacked up.
What is a dog’s favorite movie about dinosaurs?
Jurassic Bark.
Why did the elephant ask to borrow a suitcase?
Because he only had a little trunk.
What did the large baby deer say when he met his favorite celebrity?
“I’m a big fawn!”
Is it true that a dinosaur won't attack if you hold a tree branch? That depends on how fast you carry it!
How can you tell if there is a dinosaur in bed with you? By the `D' on his pajamas.
There was a weird Crab
Whenever he used to walk, his claws used to make a ta-ta-ta-ta sound.
What’s a horse’s favorite sport?
Saddleball.
What goes eek, eek, bang?
A mouse in a minefield!
Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?
Because he wanted his diamondback.
What do you have to know to teach a bat tricks?
More than a bat.
Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving? The turkey because he's already stuffed!
What did the rabbit say to its wife? No bunny compares to you.
What do you call a bird that can fix anything?
Duck Tape.
A spider saw a car he liked at the dealership and decided to take it out for a spin.
What was the worm doing in the cornfield?
He was going in one ear and out the other!
When it’s raining, a turtle goes to a shell-ter.
It’s easy to spot a sad flamingo. They get really blue.
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