Why didn’t the teddy bear want any dessert?
He was already stuffed.
I saw a beaver and I thought it was odd. Then I saw another semiaquatic creature and I thought it was otter.
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars ? Tyrannosaurus wrecks!
How do you make a glow worm happy?
Cut off his tail, he’ll be de-lighted!
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
Why are flamingos such good patients?
They’re used to wading.
What do you call a talking kangaroo?
A quantum leap.
What did Detective Duck say to his partner?
“Let’s quack this case.”
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing? “I’m not a people porcine.”
What do you get when you cross a cow and an earthquake?
Milkshake.
Why do people hate bee puns?
Because they don’t want to beelieve they are good
Did you hear about the party at the Chinese zoo?
It was Panda-monium.
A teacher asks the class to name six mammals that you might find in Africa. One of the pupils replies, “five zebras and a lion”.
Why did the junkie adopt a one legged crow?
So he could get crow cane from his vet.
What kind of magic does a love-struck giraffe practice?
Neck-romance-y.
What do you call a goat who is in charge of a university?
Billy Dean.
How can you tell when a polar bear is moving?
There’s a “fur sale” sign in the yard.
I don’t know why everyone is so upset about untraditional family structures, it’s been happening in the animal world for years. For example, all water buffalos have three parents.
One oxygen buffalo and two hydrogen buffalos.
What did the father buffalo say to his kid when he left for college?
Bi son!
Why are beavers only found in freshwaters? Because they don't like stale water.
Q. What is a gorilla in a wheelchair called?
A. Dis-ape-led.
How do you write a book about Bats? With a ghostwriter.
Why was the deer a good driver? He was great at using the deering wheel!
Who’s a llama’s favorite composer?
Wolfgang Llamadeus Mozart.
How do you catch a squirrel who's interested in ornithology?
Climb a tree and act like a nuthatch.
What is a mosquitos worst fear?
The S.W.A.T Team.
I caught a fruit fly in the air and killed it.
I'm a gnatural born killer.
Why do zebras have stripes?
Because they don't want to be spotted.
Why did the Koala cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
Q. What do they call the gorilla marathon runner who only wins when it's pouring outdoors?
A. The raining chimp-ion.
I saved a tiny baby crow and now he won't leave, I guess you could say he's mi-cro.
How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale.
Did you hear about the koala bear in the church choir? Yeah, they say he sings bearitone.
Why shouldn’t you drive with a vampire?
He will drive you batty.
What do you call a monkey in a minefield?
A baboom.
The big cat was known around town to wear a lot of funky ties. Everyone called him the tie-ger.
What is the only difference between a lion and a tiger? The mane part is missing in a tiger.
What do you call a dinosaur that's a noisy sleeper? A Bronto-snorus.
A mosquito was trying to land on my arm.
I shook it and said:
"Not on my watch."
What do you call a fascist mosquito?
Benito Mosquitollini.
Who was the criminal crow running from? The cawps.
Which day do fish hate the most?
Fry-day.
A woman bought a rooster, wanting to hear it crow.
However, it turns out the rooster was mute, so she was out of cluck.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite toy?
A. A bab-boom-orang.
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck... It was a camel tow
Q. What haapens if a gorilla sits on your piano?
A. You get a flat note.
What kind of horse do you ride after dark?
A night mare.
What do you get when you cross a chicken with a bell?
An alarm cluck.
What type of car would a regular horse buy?
A Fjord Focus.
What do you call 144 kangaroos in a box?
Gross.
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