What does an alligator do when he loses his tail?
It goes to a re-tail store.
Do you know why the beaver was found guilty?
Because the prosecutor had damming evidence.
What do a crab, a lobster, and a Japanese guy run over in the middle of the road all have in common?
They're all Crushed-Asians!
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck... It was a camel tow
What do dolphins need to stay healthy?
Vitamin Sea!
What does Harry Potter use when sealing packages?
His Parceltongue.
What do chicken families do on Saturday afternoon?
They go on peck-nics.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft
A Duct-ape.
My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.
Why did the chicken cross the road halfway?
She wanted to lay it on the line.
Where did the hamsters invade the beaver colony? Hamsterdam.
What is the difference between a panda and a polar bear?
About 1,000 miles.
When alligators need energy, they just slug down some gator-ade.
What do you call a light-headed elephant?
An ele-faint.
What did the Dalmatian say when he finished his meal?
That really hit the spot.
What kind of cheese do rodents like?
Mousearella.
Why did the shark cross the great barrier reef?
To get to the other tide.
I whisper my sins to crows
So my parents can't hear me confess to a murder
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur A lickalotopis
How did the horse break into the mainframe?
It was a hack.
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.
Baa dum tssssss.
When a girl saw a sad alligator at the zoo she asked him; hey are you cai-man?
How many rabbits does it take to change a light bulb? Only one if it hops right to it.
How do you catch a unique bunny? Unique up on it.
Did you hear about the egg laden rabbit who jumps off bridges? He’s the Easter Bungee!
I like dillos, but do not support giving them guns.
I would never armadillo.
What do you get when you cross a bat with a doorbell?
A ding-bat.
How do you catch an electric eel?
You can catch an electric eel with a lightning rod!
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
Would you mind watching my pet parrot while I’m out, as long as it’s not too much of a birden?
Q: How do you stop an angry tiger from charging?
A: Take away his credit cards.
I used to own a rabbit, but now he’s just some bunny that I used to know.
What do cats build to prepare for war? Cat-apults.
Why did the horse go to jail?
The prosecutors failed to show the burden of hoof.
The sweetest and punny name to call a pig is Mudpie.
What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak? Mouse code!
It's just a lot of croc 'n' roll.
What did the dinosaur say when he saw the volcano explode? What a lavaly day!
How do you get down off a horse?
You don’t, you get down off a duck.
What is a koala’s favorite exercise?
Bearobics.
Today my son drew a picture of a kangaroo without a body.
I couldn't make heads or tails of it.
Where do rabbits learn how to fly? In the hare force!
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
Police are investigating a string of homicides which have occurred over the last two weeks. The victims have identified as Cap'n Crunch, Toucan Sam, Tony the Tiger, and the latest victim, Lucky the Leprechaun.
They are looking for a cereal killer.
What kind of fish do Penguins catch at night?
Starfish.
Why don’t crabs donate to charity?
Because they’re shellfish
Where do penguins keep their money?
In a snow bank!
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A brick layer.
What do alligators call human children?
Appetizers.
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