A week after the werewolf swallowed the farmer’s clock, it had ticks all over.
Why are parrots so loyal? They are a man of their bird!
If someone says, “See you later alligator,” you must respond with, “In a while crocodile.”
It’s in the bye laws.
Why was the UN concerned when the waiter dropped Thanksgiving dinner?
Because it meant the fall of turkey, the ruin of grease, and the breakup of china.
What do you call the worlds tallest mosquito?
Himalarya.
What South American dance do cows like to do?
The Rump-a.
What do dogs say when something cool happens?
Paw-some.
What did one frog say.to the other?
Time's sure fun when you're having flies.
There are good and bad times to buy a flamingo. Bad times are when they’re expensive, the best times are when they’re cheep.
What did the grape say when the bat squished on it? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
Where is the best place to get camel milk?
Straight from the Dromedairy.
What kind of bee makes milk?
A Boobie!
What is the definition of a slug? A snail with a housing problem!
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him? Filthy rich.
Did you hear about the kid that ate a whole pack of candy worms?
It’s a sour tale!
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
Did you hear about the doctor who was practicing bee venom therapy without a license?
He was arrested in a sting operation.
What happened when the two giraffes had a race?
It was neck and neck.
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
What do you call a maternal Turkish robot water weasel?
An Ottoman otter-mom automaton.
What do you call an explosive horse?
Neigh-palm.
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
What do llamas say when you tell them something obvious?
“No spit, Sherlock.”
What do you call it when a pig loses its memory? Hamnesia.
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye? Doyouthinkhesawus
What do you call a talking kangaroo?
A quantum leap.
How does an otter get into an honest business? Usually through the skylight.
Why do mice need oiling?
Because they squeak!
Why did the mouse stay inside?
Because it was raining cats and dogs.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
How do you make a glow worm happy?
Cut off his tail, he’ll be de-lighted!
Where did the deer go to fix its tail?
The re-tail shop.
What did the beaver say to his girlfriend?
Chew make me feel warm and fuzzy on the inside.
Are beavers the best builders in the animal kingdom? Dam right they are.
Have you seen the gators on skateboards, they are great alli-skaters.
What do you call a frog with no back legs?
Unhoppy.
"How much did you have to drink?"
"About a birds worth."
"What?"
"You know, toucans."
What kind of underwear do monkeys wear?
Chimpantsies.
An owl had a sore throat but wasn't bothered.
He couldn't give a hoot.
What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?
Rough.
what do you call it when a lady mammal that enjoys swimming a lot, who has an unattractive twin sister, fires a gun at one of her gym buddies who also happens to work with clay as their profession?
hotter water otter daughter shot her potter spotter
Where does a rottweiler sit in the cinema?
Anywhere it wants to.
How do you catch a rich squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a cashew.
What did the Gorilla say when he saw there was a sale happening?
Ooh! OOh! OOOh!!!!
Why did the beaver cross the river? To get to the other side of the river.
What do you get if cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo?
A turtle-neck jumper.
I told my parents I wanted to raise goats for a living, but I was only kidding.
What do mosquitoes and relatives have in common?
They both share your blood.
What does a French beaver call his dam? Ma'dame.
Why did they take Polly away?
He went crackers!
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