I asked what the lion in my wardrobe was doing.
He said it was Narnia business
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
What’s the difference between a crow and a chicken?
A chicken can crow, but a crow can’t chicken.
What made the dinosaur's car stop ? A flat Tire-annosaurus
Where do pigs learn about magic?
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
Which dance will a chicken not do?
The foxtrot.
You were mauled by a gang of squirrels. You want to sue them but no lawyer wants to take your case. Why?
They think you are nuts.
Q. What kind of underwear do s*xy gorillas wear?
A. Chim-pant-zies.
Q: What do you call a French guy being mauled by a tiger?
A: Claude.
What is the first thing that bats learn at school? The alphabat.
Why did the shark spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny.
What do mosquitoes and relatives have in common?
They both share your blood.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
A hippo is really heavy, but a Zippo is a little lighter.
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd.
What do you call an electrically charged seal?
A seal ion.
Where do rabbits learn how to fly? In the hare force!
Q. What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
Why does the dolphin kingdom never go to war?
Because it would defeat the porpoise.
We’ll need protracturtle in our next lesson since the topic will be angles.
Why was the scarecrow upset with the worm?
It was going ear to ear in the corn field!
How can a bear catch fish without a pole?
They use their bear hands.
The local zoo just started a recycling collection program to support its mission: 'When you bring in one can, you can save Toucans.'
What do you call an ant from overseas?
Import-ant.
Why do bees stay in the hive during the winter?
Swarm.
What do you get if you cross a frog with a ferry?
A hoppercraft.
What do you call an elephant that’s never clean?
A smelly-phant.
Today my son drew a picture of a kangaroo without a body.
I couldn't make heads or tails of it.
A group of crows is usually called a 'murder.' Technically, it's only a manslaughter unless there is probable caws.
Why don’t rabbits get hot in the summertime? They have hare conditioning!
How do you write a book about bats? With a ghostwriter.
What kind of whale can fly?
A Pilot whale.
What do you call an Arab next to a cow?
Milk Sheikh.
Q: Why do the tiger not attack the farm?
A: He was a little bit sheepish.
Did you hear about the two silkworms that were in a race? They wound up in a tie.
When should you stop for a glow worm? When he has a red light.
What kind of cat works for the Red Cross? A first-aid kit!
What will you get if you cross a tiger and a watchdog? A terrified watchman.
It is said that crows and owls are in caw-hoots.
A kid at the spelling bee was asked to spell "inward"
A teacher tackled him after the first G
What do you call an alligator who kills bugs all day long?
A fumigator.
Q. After the stripper is done, what happens at a stag party?
A. Deer-ty dancing.
Where do you get frog's eggs?
At the spawn shop.
What’s the name of the rabbit who stole from the rich and gave to the poor? Rabbit Hood.
What do you call Tyrannosaurus rex when it wears a cowboy hat and boots ? Tyrannosaurus tex!
Where is a flamingo’s favourite place to dance? The hop, of course!
What’s a horse’s favorite country singer?
Colt-on Underwood.
What do you call a large pile of cats? A meowntain!
Where do gorillas keep their beehives?
Apeiaries.
Why are Siberian tigers so happy at Christmas time? Because it is snowy, and they get to look like white tigers.
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