How was the first giraffe made?
Chuck Norris uppercut a horse.
How did the tigers greet the other animals in the jungle? "Hey! Pleased to eat you."
What do you call a militia of pigeons?
A coo.
Why are houseflies great at arithmetics? Because they multiply really fast.
Young goats should be careful when they're out and and about and shouldn't jump into a stranger's car.
That's how you get kidnapped.
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
A beaver asked his fellow beavers to hurry up and said, "Water you waiting for, make haste."
What did the beaver say to the river? You can run but can't tide.
What do you call a rubber bumper on a yacht?
A shark absorber.
Which chicken is at the top of the pecking order?
Attila the Hen.
Which side of a duck has the most feathers?
The outside.
What’s an elephant’s secret talent?
They’re great at multi-tusking.
What does a squirrel wear on its feet?
Cashews
Q. Where do lady gorillas go for a wild weekend night out?
A. Chimpendale's.
Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Because they wouldn't take a bath!
Why did the cat decide to sleep under the car? Because she wanted to wake up oily!
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
What do you call an ant running away with another ant?
Ant-elope.
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves.
What's the difference between an owl and an Irish funeral?
One's awake in the night and the other's a wake in the day.
What’s a goat’s favorite TV show?
America’s Goat Talent.
Old gorillas never die, but they do go bananas.
Q. What does the alpha gorilla call his first wife?
A. His prime mate.
What do you get when a penguin lays an egg on a hill?
An eggroll.
Why did the penguin cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What did the rabbit say to its wife? No bunny compares to you.
Why do chickens rinse their mouth out with soap?
Because of all the fowl language.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
Flamingos are great to go out with, because they all party like flock stars.
Why did the Buddhist gorilla get locked out of his monastery?
He forgot his monk-key
What do crows read? Cawmics.
How do horses show gratitude?
Flank you very much.
What do you call a turkey's evil twin?
A Gobblegänger.
Rabbits are trying to eat away my old Toyota!
Mechanic said it could be car rot.
What do you call an alligator that sneaks up and bites you from behind?
A tail-gator.
Q. Which sweet dessert is banned from the menu at the Deer Cafe?
A. Chocolate Moose.
What do you call it when cephalopods start becoming more strict about things?
Kraken down.
How do bats tell their future?
They read their horrors-cope.
Did you hear about the guy who got killed by a bear?
It was a grizzly death.
What do you call a flying elephant?
A jumbo jet.
How do you apologize to a sloth? BEAR your heart and soul.
What is a deer’s favorite meal?
Deer-ner!
Why don’t koalas like fast food? Because it’s too hard for them to catch.
What do you get when a dinosaur walks through the strawberry patch? Strawberry jam.
How did the grizzly walk in the snow?
Bear footed.
What’s the best way to make a bull sweat?
Put him in a tight jumper.
Why don't squirrels have any friends?
Because they drive everyone nuts.
Where do bats keep their money? The blood bank!
How does a horse get a suit fitted?
With a tail-or.
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