Did you hear about the guy who got killed by a bear?
It was a grizzly death.
How do you upset a dinosaur? Touchasaurus Spot.
Why did God create Yogi bear?
Because on his first try he made a Boo-Boo.
Scientists transformed a tiger into a horse.
Don't worry, it's in a stable condition.
How does a horse tow its trailer?
With a Ford Bronco.
Why do worms hate graveyards?
They keep bumping into skeletons!
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
What did the bacteria say to the bee to cheer it up?
Gram positive
My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered...
"Swarm."
What jumps up and down in front of a car?
Froglights.
Got a pet zebra, didn’t realise how hungry they are. He eats like a horse.
In what type of weather is the vet the busiest?
When its raining cats and dogs.
What does a vampire bat call a bloodmobile?
Meals on Wheels.
What did the scientist’s cat say? I think I’ve lost an electron, I’m pawsitive!
Flamingos are great at surfing the internet. I think it’s because they have webbed feet.
Where do crabs invest their money?
A sea bank.
What's the most common form of owl-on-owl violence?
Drive by hooting.
How does a koala get from one place to another? On a gondkoala.
What did the train conductor say to the kangaroo? Hop on!
What food did the Gorilla order when he went to France?
Ape Suzettes.
Who has large antlers, a high voice and wears white gloves? Mickey Moose!
Why are goats and rhinos attracted to each other?
Because they are both horny animals.
What do you call a large group of sick pandas?
A Pandamic.
What’s a Chinese bear’s favorite organ of the body?
The panda-creas.
How can you tell if there is a dinosaur in bed with you? By the `D' on his pajamas.
What do you call it when cephalopods start becoming more strict about things?
Kraken down.
What is a seals favorite subject?
Art Art Art Art!
What do you call a greedy ant?
An anteater.
Q. Whay aren't gorillas afraid of zombies?
A. Because the ape-ocalypse doesn't frighten them.
What do you call a cold penguin?
A Brrr-d.
How do you make a pig really happy on his birthday? Throw him a sow-prize party.
What does a horse call its treats?
My greatest preakness.
Where do the cool horses live?
In rad-docks.
How can you tell if a crab is drunk?
It walks straight
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
What did the crow said when it saw a car coming? Cawr.
I'm going to combine my interests of taxidermy and bomb making
by making you an otter you can't defuse.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?
A porky-pine.
Where do bats get their education?
In night schools.
What does Harry Potter use when sealing packages?
His Parceltongue.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
Crows go to get their shopping at Cawst Co.
What do you call it when you boil a water buffalo?
A mist steak.
Kangaroos can grow up to six feet.
Most only grow two.
What is a sharks favorite kinda sandwich?
Peanut butter and jellyfish!
Which side of a penguin has the most feathers?
The outside.
Did you hear about the croc calling the frog? He just croc-o-dialled.
Why don’t dolphins play basketball?
Because they’re afraid of the net!
Why do Otters swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
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