What's the best way to stuff a turkey? Serve him lots of pizza and ice cream!
A mosquito asks for a date: "I'd like to take you out to suck blood on someones leg"
She says "I don't know, I feel like I'm going out on a limb here."
What did the grape say when the bat squished on it? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
What did the grape say when the Koala stood on it? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
Because they got turtle recall, turtles never forget.
What did dinosaurs have that no others animals ever had? Baby dinosaurs!
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong? Mistaken bacon.
Where did the duck go when he was sick? A:
To the ducktor.
What do llamas always say after yoga class?
“Llamaste.”
What do you get when you mix a sheep and a kangaroo
A wooly jumper
I’m putting an official ban on rabbit puns. They are not bunny anymore.
Why do bees stay in the hive during the winter?
Swarm.
What do crows drink in order to stay awake? They drink cawfee.
I thought Lord Of The Flies was about entomology.
It really bugs me that it isn't.
What do you get if cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo?
A turtle-neck jumper.
What does the father deer say to the mother deer to show his love?
“I love you deerly!”
How do you confuse a fish?
Put the fish in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner.
Why are flamingos such good patients?
They’re used to wading.
I've just thought of a really funny owl joke, but I can't use it until 2/8/20.
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues.
I stole seven crows yesterday.
Got away with murder.
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road, rolls in the dirt, crosses the road again, and then rolls in the dirt again?
A dirty double-crossing chicken.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl using the bathroom? Because the 'p' is silent
I had a job circumcising elephants.
The base salary wasn't great, but the tips were huge.
I saw a sheep covered in plastic
It was lambinated.
A female sheep and a couple of aggressive birds are sitting on the veranda. What language do they speak?
Porchewegeese.
Did you hear about the psychic hermit crab?
Makes shell-fulfilling prophecies.
What did the horse reply when asked if it would try water polo?
“I would dapple.”
What did the owl booty text his girlfriend?
I’ve been thinking about you owl night long.
My sister asked me for some spider puns.
I told her to look them up on the web.
What is the deer’s favorite food group?
“Deer-y products!”
How does an otter get into an honest business? Usually through the skylight.
What do you call a glass of alcoholic pig’s blood? Swine.
Waiter, waiter, do you have frog legs?
No, I always walk this way.
What is a kangaroo’s favorite season?
Spring!
Whats green and can jump a mile a minute?
A frog with hiccups.
Where do squirrels go when they have a nervous breakdown?
To the nut-house.
What is a beaver's most favorite song ever? You made me a, you made me a beaver, beaver.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams? They lived hoppily ever after.
Why did the ram run over the cliff edge?
Because he didn’t see the ewe turn.
How do you catch a monkey?
Climb a tree and act like a banana.
How do penguins make a decision?
Flipper coin.
What do racehorses eat?
Fast food.
What do you call an alligator that makes others fight?
An instigator.
What did the big stag deer say to the hunter?
“Buck off, man!”
Why was the picture of the dog sent to jail?
Because it was framed.
How does a bear get from one place to another?
On a bear-o-plane.
What mouse was a Roman emperor?
Julius Cheeser!
Did you hear the gossip about the owl who hooked up with his boss?
I won’t tell you hoo.
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