What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.
Llama know if you don’t like these puns and alpaca my suitcase and leave!
How does a 20-something pig hit on someone?
They invite them over to Netflix and swill.
What do you call an ant who can see into the future?
Clairvoy-ant.
Where do koalas go to settle legal matters? A kangaroo court!
Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?
I’m pretty sure he has Asp burgers.
What's a frog's favorite flower?
A croakus.
What did the horse reply when asked if it can jump 3 feet?
“I lope so!”
Why did the Koala cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
Flamingoes have a special name for one of their numbers who has passed away. They call it flamingone.
Two goats are married, living on a farm. Billy Goat says, "I really want children. Let's make some babies."
Betty Goat responds, "Heck no. No baby goats for me..."
"I'm not kidding."
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
What is a frog's favorite time?
Leap year.
What is the maggot army called? The Apple Corps.
What do you call an alligator that has all the other gators at the swamp crown around him?
A congregator.
What do you get if you cross a glow worm with some beer?
Light ale!
What did the dinosaur say when he saw the volcano explode? What a lavaly day!
How do you keep a goat from charging?
You take his credit card away!
Have you heard about the gorilla who got a name change?
Peaches the gorilla escaped from the zoo, but when they got him back they had to change it because it turns out he had become an Ape Re-caught.
Where do otters keep their money? In the river bank!
What does a horse call her best friend?
Her mane chick.
Did you hear about the cat that ate a ball of yarn? She had a litter of mittens.
Did you hear about the chicken who could only lay eggs in the winter?
She was no spring chicken.
There was a flamingo in our garden for such a long time, we started calling it a flaminstay.
What do you get if you cross a pelican and zebra? Two streets further away.
I went to a mosquito themed restaurant.
It wasn't very good, though. After a few bites I got up and left.
How do whales make a decision?
They flipper coin.
Q. Whay aren't gorillas afraid of zombies?
A. Because the ape-ocalypse doesn't frighten them.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners!
What's worse than lobsters on your piano?
Crabs on your organ!
A homicide detective walks into a bar and orders a beer.
"Hey look at those birds outside," the bartender comments to him. "Did you know that a group of crows like that is called a murder?"
"Well you can't be sure that's a murder," the detective says. "Unless there is probable caws."
Why do mice have long tails?
Well, they’d look silly with long hair!
How did the ponies stay in touch?
C-horse-pondence.
What did the deer say to her friend when she needed assistance?
“Could you doe me a favour?”
All prominent werewolf movies are produced in howl-lywood.
What’s the best way to make a bull sweat?
Put him in a tight jumper.
I once tried crossing a flamingo with a cement mixer. Sounds crazy, but I really wanted a good brick layer.
Why do people hate bee puns?
Because they don’t want to beelieve they are good
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy?
“You scratch my beak and I’ll scratch yours!”
What does a Triceratops sit on? Its Tricera-bottom.
What bee is most indecisive?
A May bee!
A fight between tiger and lion broke out. Both of them wanted to become the next empe-roar of the jungle.
What does a French beaver call his dam? Ma'dame.
What’s a horse’s favorite fruit?
Canterlope.
I threw water on a flamingo the other day
Now it's just an O.
How much does it cost to fly Santa’s sleigh?
About 9 bucks.
Why is it a bad idea to get in a fight with a monkey?
Because they use gorilla warfare.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
Where do the monkeys melt their cheese?
Under the gorilla.
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