What did the big stag deer say to the hunter?
“Buck off, man!”
What happened if vampires came to a big dance?
A bat ball.
Why are frogs good at baseball?
Because they catch a lot of fly balls.
The baby beaver sang a song about the river in a video for his friends. He had a good flow.
What do you get if you cross a squirrel with an elephant?
An animal that remembers where it hid its nuts.
What happens when you buy a dog from the blacksmith?
When he gets home he’ll make a bolt for the door.
How did the grizzly walk in the snow?
Bear footed.
My grandfather recently passed, and I discovered in his journal that he has an immense hatred for sloths, pandas, and koala bears. Looking back, it was obvious.
He was always going on about those darn tree-huggers.
I met this really beautiful crustacean, but I lobst her number.
Wolfs are named after lots of things around and about them. For instance, lumberjack wolfs are known as timber wolfs.
What did the wife beaver say to her astronaut husband? You are otter this world.
Q. What is a gorilla in a wheelchair called?
A. Dis-ape-led.
What do you call a cat teacher? A purr-fessor
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only 2. They'll fit.
Why did the mother cow give the sleepy baby cow a hammer?
He wanted her to hit the hay.
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
Elephants will toil all day, and they work for peanuts.
My sheep-powered computer was starting to run slowly
So I added more ram
There was a flamingo in our garden for such a long time, we started calling it a flaminstay.
I thought swimming with the dolphins was expensive, but swimming with the sharks cost me an arm and a leg!
What is it called when a dinosaur hits a homerun?
A Dino-Score.
What’s the easiest way to catch fish? Have someone throw it at you!
What did the cat say when it saw something scary? That freaks meowt!
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes.
What’s a buck’s least favorite sandwich bread?
Sour doe.
An arrogant gazelle walks up to a bunch of lions and tells them how much better he is than them.
He was consumed by pride.
What has four legs and goes Oom, Oom?
A cow walking backwards.
Whichever gator stole all the food, we'll catch the crook-a-dile.
I saw a guy trying to cross a really busy street. Trying to be helpful, I said, “You know, there is a zebra crossing 50ft ahead.”
He said, “I hope he’s having a better luck than I am.”
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
What do cows do when they’re introduced?
They give each other a milk shake.
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can't walk.
What do bees use to build roads? Nec-tar.
What do you call an outlaw goat?
Billy the Kid.
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
What did the fawn say to warn her friend about the haunted house?
“Don’t go deer!”
What do dolphins need to stay healthy?
Vitamin Sea!
What's the difference between an otter and a navy aircrewman?
At least the otter knows he's not a seal.
Why was the cow always exercising? To build up its moo-scles
Why did the chicken join a band?
Because it already had drumsticks.
What do you call memory loss in a parrot?
Polynesia
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed, and sometimes they vacation at the river bed.
The turtle had to cross the road in order to get to the Shell station.
I had a shell of a time when I attended the costume party as a turtle.
I warned farmer Brown not to pamper that cow too much because it would wind up giving spoiled milk.
There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.
Two haddock got battered.
What’s a glow worms favourite song?
Wake me up before you glow glow!
Rabbits are trying to eat away my old Toyota!
Mechanic said it could be car rot.
What’s a horse’s favorite grocery store?
No-fillies.
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