What did one python say to the other before they made a deal?
Let’s “snake” on it.
I entered my pig into a pig race but he pulled a ham string.
A French photographer and his friend from Czechoslovakia were visiting Australia.
Unfortunately, one day they got too close to a nesting site and were attacked and eaten by a pair of crocodiles.
The female ate the Frenchman.
The Czech was in the male.
What did the deer say after she did her friend a favor?
“You doe me!”
Why are flamingos the happiest birds? They live with no reggrets.
If there were ten cats in a boat and one jumped out, how many would be left? None, because they were all copycats!
My pet parrot, Nickel, just passed away.
Now I have a Nickel-less cage.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
How does a crab go when it's right?
"Aw, snap!"
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
What do you call a kangaroo sanctuary?
A kazoo.
What is a grandma sheep called?
A baaaa-nana
If you mix a ghost and a cow together, you will create vanishing cream.
What’s a whale’s favorite meal?
Fish and ships.
Why don’t crabs donate to charity?
Because they’re shellfish
How fast can a cave become vacant? At the drop of a bat.
Did you hear about the woman who complained about her rabbit stew? She said there was a hare in her soup.
What do you call Spider-Man at his full potential
Petest Parkest.
What do you call a mouse who can pick up a horse? Sir!
What do vampire bats call their friends?
Blood brothers.
Where do Egyptians seal away their drugs?
In a narcophagus.
Had beaver curry last night.
Bit like a normal curry, just a little otter.
What do you call it when a raven marries a crow? A conspiracy to commit to murder.
The wolf really needed to talk with the skeleton because he had a bone to pick with him.
How did the beaver introduce his wife? This is my significant otter.
What do chickens study in school?
Eggonomics.
Why do bears have fur coats?
Because they look silly wearing jackets.
What do Chinese bears eat for breakfast?
Panda-cakes!
A female sheep and a couple of aggressive birds are sitting on the veranda. What language do they speak?
Porchewegeese.
What kind of cheese do rodents like?
Mousearella.
What did the bus driver say to the frog?
Hop on.
What do you call an ant who won’t go away?
Perman-ant.
A worm child comes home. It sees mom and asks: "Mom, have you seen dad?"
Mom says: "Dad went fishing with the guys."
What breed of dog always gets cold?
A Bichon Freeze.
What do alligators call human children?
Appetizers.
What do you get when two giraffes run into each other?
A giraffic jam.
What did the duck say when he dropped the dishes?
“I hope I didn’t quack any.”
What sound do 8 sheep make?
Octo-bah.
What Do You Call A Clever Duck?
A wise quacker
I went to a mosquito themed restaurant.
It wasn't very good, though. After a few bites I got up and left.
How can you tell you’re in a pig wine bar? Because everything’s swine.
Every koala supports the idea of being able to defend themselves against tyranny. They believe in having the right to bear claws.
What did the eye witness say about the camel who was using the bushes as a lavatory?
I saw the hump take a dump in a clump
Why did the penguin cross the road twice?
To prove he wasn’t chicken.
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
Why did God create Yogi bear?
Because on his first try he made a Boo-Boo.
Have you heard about the gorilla who got a name change?
Peaches the gorilla escaped from the zoo, but when they got him back they had to change it because it turns out he had become an Ape Re-caught.
What's the worst part about being a beaver?
It's a lot of dam work.
What do you call two crows flying together?
An attempted murder
What do you call an alligator that has all the other gators at the swamp crown around him?
A congregator.
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