My wife and I have been having trouble communicating. We decided to take a walk when we passed a farm. She said "awww, babe look at the sheep."
"No, ewe." I said.
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
What do you call a rabbit housekeeper? A dust bunny.
What is a koala’s favorite soft drink? Koka-Koala, of course!
Why was the mother rattlesnake sad?
The time had come for her children to strike out on their own.
Why do horses make good lawyers?
Attention to de-tail.
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot
Beavers enjoy being in the company of a river because they go with the flow.
What did the duck do after he read all these jokes?
He quacked up.
Q. Why are big gorilla turds always so stinking tired?
A. Because they're all pooped out!
I saw a mosquito in the kitchen. I could have killed it, but I let it fly away...
That's probably going to come back to bite me later.
What do you call a monkey who can’t keep a secret?
A blab-boon.
What happened to the shark who swallowed a bunch of keys?
It got lockjaw.
What did the deer say when she wanted to be left alone?
“Doe away!”
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
What do crows read? Cawmics.
What did dinosaurs have that no others animals ever had? Baby dinosaurs!
What do you call an ant who likes to be alone?
Independ-ant.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
Today I learned that a giraffe’s neck is so strong a human can climb up it.
Also, I got banned from my local zoo.
What's a bats favorite desert? I-Scream!
It's nearly 6 years since US Navy SEALs took out Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan.
Talk Abbottabad place to hide.
What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A pirates favorite fish is a swordfish!
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
What's better than a talking dinosaur ? A spelling bee. What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up? Try-Try-Try-ceratops.
What do you call a zoo that has only giraffes in it?
Giraffic Park.
When doesn’t a bull have horns?
When it’s a bullfrog.
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A piiig!
What Do Ducks Have With Soup?
Quackers
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Pig…
Pig who?
Pig on someone your own size!
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Oysters don’t share their pearls because they’re shellfish!
Alligators can live up to 100 years…
Which is why there’s a chance that they will see you later.
I had to carry a group of crows once.
It was murder on my back!
What do you call a penguin in the desert?
Lost!
What’s a horse’s favorite grocery store?
No-fillies.
What did the cat say when it saw something scary? That freaks meowt!
How do officials start the races at the pink bird olympics? They say three... two... one... flaminGO!
What is the first thing that gorillas learn at kindergarten?
Apey Cee's?
Which type of dinosaur could jump higher than a house ? Any kind! A house cannot jump!
How did Gertie Gorilla win the beauty contest? She was the beast of the show!
Picking your favorite snack can be like picking the slowest turtle in the pack.
Why did the frog make so many mistakes?
It jumped to the wrong conclusions.
Why was the farmer angry?
Because someone got his goat.
Where do bats keep their money?
The blood bank.
Why was the Pirate sad when his parrot left him?.
It gave him the cold shoulder.
If there were ten cats in a boat and one jumped out, how many would be left? None, because they were all copycats!
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
What makes more noise than a dinosaur ? Two dinosaurs!
What birds like to write?
Penguins!
What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?
You get as far away as possible.
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