A seal goes into a bar and the bartender asked him,"What will it be Mr seal?"
The seal responds,"anything but a Canadian Club".
Why was the doctor’s favorite patient a cat? Because she has nine lives!
What do you call a dinosaur that lost his glasses? uthinkhesawrus
What do you call the worlds tallest mosquito?
Himalarya.
What breed of dog will laugh at any joke?
A Chi-ha-ha
A boy sees an alligator in the zoo and shouts,
“Hey, are you a caiman?”
The alligator replies, “I’m alright, thanks, kid!”
The zookeeper told me I wasn’t allowed to buy the animals so I asked why the zebra had a barcode.
3 animals enter a bar. A lion, a tiger and a bear.
Oh my!
How do bats tell their future? They read their horrorscope.
Today I learned that a giraffe’s neck is so strong a human can climb up it.
Also, I got banned from my local zoo.
I tried asking some beavers to help me build my house. They didn’t give a dam.
What is a grandma sheep called?
A baaaa-nana
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
What has four legs, four eyes, and a net? Four pirates looking for a lost parrot!
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
What’s black and white and red all over?
A sunburned panda.
The good pony apologized to the tiger at the zoo for his sore throat, he said: "I am sorry, I am a little horse."
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a leaf blower? A hare dryer!
Why are flamingos such good patients?
They’re used to wading.
What fish like to fly?
Flying Fish
What do you call a sloth that barely moves a muscle? A slow-off (show off).
On Halloween night a group of crows decided to enact a scene from the play Julius Ceaser, they were enacting the caw-nspiracy scene.
I goat this.
How do you make a pig really happy on his birthday? Throw him a sow-prize party.
What did the bacteria say to the bee to cheer it up?
Gram positive
What do you call it when a dinosaur gets in a car accident? Tyrannasaurus wreck!
What is the definition of a slug? A snail with a housing problem!
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
Of all the best pieces of wolf advice, this is my favorite, “stand fur what you believe”
What’s a gorilla’s favourite pop group? A: Bananarama!
How do you catch a monkey?
Climb a tree and act like a banana.
What happened to the Easter bunny at school? He was eggspelled.
What do you call a camel that looks the same from both directions?
A palindromedary!
What do you get if you cross a bat with a ball?
A home run.
What do you call a koala with no teeth? A gummy bear.
Why did the tiger eat the tightrope walker?
It wanted a balanced diet.
What does a French beaver call his dam? Ma'dame.
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a mammoth’s tusk?
A sabre-toothed tiger.
All seals live at the same elevation
Seal level.
Pig always have ink all over their faces because they live in a pen.
I would rather breed mice than crows
Mischief is one thing, but I don't think I can pull off a murder.
What happened when the bat swallowed the alarm-clock?
She turned into a ding-bat.
Where are sharks from?
Finland!
Did you hear about the short-sighted frog?
He had to go to the Hopthalmologist.
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
How do you spot a deer behind you? With hind-sight!
Where does a camel go after he's eaten his main course? He walks straight to the desert trolley.
He has some good puns on crows, but he doesn’t have to keep crowing about it.
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
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