A sunburned murder of crows is referred to as 1st, 2nd and 3rd degree.
What animals were last to leave the ark?
The elephants as they had to pack their trunks.
What do you call a Triceratops who scores his first goal? Dino- score!
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
Once you've seen one Lion eat a Giraffe...
You've seen a maul!
Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?
Because he wanted his diamondback.
What kind of shoes do mice wear? Squeakers.
What do you call a kangaroo sanctuary?
A kazoo.
What did the dinosaur ask his pet dog when he wanted afternoon tea with him?
Do you want some tea, Rex?
What dog does Dracula own?
A blood-hound.
Why do pigs make awful football players?
They don’t like playing with the “pig skin.”
Are Jellyfish sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish?
Why didn’t the horse tell her friend she was a thief?
She didn’t want to saddle her with that information.
What is a cat’s favorite song? Three blind mice!
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance style? Hip-Hop!
Who makes dinosaur clothes? dino-sewer.
Why don't squirrels have any friends?
Because they drive everyone nuts.
I asked a beaver out on a date. The beaver replied: “Gnaw.” I said: “Dam.”
What's more impressive than a talking fish?
A spelling bee.
What’s green and pecks on trees?
Woody the Wood Pickle.
Why did the elephant ask to borrow a suitcase?
Because he only had a little trunk.
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
What do confused owls say?
Too-whit-to-why?
What did the baby mouse do when she saw a bat?
She ran home and told her mother she saw an angel
Q. What did the doe say to the louse on her new baby fawn?
A. Gosh deer nit!
Did you heard about the zombie crow? He wants to eat your grains.
What soccer position does a pink flamingo play? Flamingoalie.
Wife: would you get me those two cans from the top shelf?
Me: I don't see any toucans in here.
What birds should you recycle?
Toucans.
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
I can’t believe that during the attempted murder, John Crow, Russel Crow and Sheryl Crow were all in the room.
If a four-legged animal a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, what’s a tiger?
Stri-ped.
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice burg-ers.
What do you call a spiders child?
An arach-kid.
Which technique does a Gorilla borrow from another animal when it gets romantic? The bear hug!
Looks like the boa cons-tricked her.
What do you get when a penguin lays an egg on a hill?
An eggroll.
Where do horses go to the bathroom?
The bathroom stall-ion.
What does the father deer say to the mother deer to show his love?
“I love you deerly!”
Who’s a llama’s favorite pop singer?
Llama Del Ray.
I read a story about pig anatomy.
It was all straightforward until I found a twist in the tale.
What is a flamingo's favorite ride at a theme park? The flamingo-karts.
What did the river say when it saw beavers for the first time? “Well, I’ll be dammed.”
Alligators ask lots of questions, they'd make great interri-gators.
Why did the scientist use a drink container to communicate with dolphins?
Because a bottle knows dolphin.
I had a tattoo of a Scorpion on my back last night and to tell the truth...
It stings like hell.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
What’s the difference between a fly and an eagle?
An eagle can fly but a fly cannot eagle.
What do you get when you cross a turkey with a banjo? A turkey that can pluck itself!
What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?
You get as far away as possible.
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