What dog does Dracula own?
A blood-hound.
On one bright Sunday morning, one long lost wolf finally met his longtime classmate. “So, Howl’s it goin’!”
What do you call a pig who can’t mind his own business?
A nosey porker!
What do you call a spider with ten eyes?
A spiiiiiiiiiider.
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
What did the river say to the beaver? You look so tide'y.
An elephant's opinion carries a lot of weight.
What's worse than lobsters on your piano?
Crabs on your organ!
On Halloween night a group of crows decided to enact a scene from the play Julius Ceaser, they were enacting the caw-nspiracy scene.
Where do beavers keep their money? Well, they keep it in the riverbank.
What happens when two frogs collide?
They get tongue tied.
I once had a conversation with a dolphin.
We just clicked.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
I went to a mosquito themed restaurant.
It wasn't very good, though. After a few bites I got up and left.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? Boy! I'm stuffed!
At What Time Does A Duck Wake Up?
At the quack of dawn.
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars ? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
Who brings presents for crows on Christmas? On Christmas? Santa Caws
Just finished my first shift as a lion impersonator.
It was a roaring success.
If you have a bee in your hand, what do you have in your eye? Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.
Why did the chicken go to the zoo?
To get to the otter slide.
What do you call a monkey who can’t keep a secret?
A blab-boon.
Why was the cat not allowed on the computer? Because she tried to catch the mouse!
Why did the vampire need mouthwash? Because he had bat breath.
How did the koala bear get the high-paying job? He met all of the koalafications.
What’s a snow princess’s glow worm’s favourite song?
Let it Glow, Let it Glow!
What's the worst part about being a beaver?
It's a lot of dam work.
What did the clean dog say to the dirty dog?
Long time no flea.
What do you call a dinosaur with a foul mouth? Bronto-swore-us.
What’s a horse’s favorite dance move?
Watch me whip, now watch me neigh neigh.
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot!
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
How did the horse break into the mainframe?
It was a hack.
Cows will never make the police force because they simply refuse to go on steak-outs.
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
What do ducks watch on TV?
Duck-umentaries.
What do you call an ant who joins the army?
Milit-ant.
What do you get when you cross a giraffe and a pig?
Bacon and legs.
What do you call an insect that can’t drink milk?
Lactose intoler-ant.
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
What do you get when you cross a cow with a wolf?
An animal that mooed at the full moon.
Our local winery recently starting using a flock of sheep to keep the grass from getting too long.
At least that's what I herd through the grapevine.
What did the reindeer dad tell his son?
Deer to be different!
What is a cat’s favorite magazine? Good Mousekeeping.
What did the fish say when he posted bail?
I’m off the hook!
What do we call a deer that wears a mask and refuses to tell its name?
“Anony – moose.”
When you cross a sheep and a wolf, you will end up with a new sheep, you can’t make such a costly mistake with wolves.
What did the deer write in his journal every day? Deer diary.
What did they call prehistoric sailing disasters? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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