Wife: would you get me those two cans from the top shelf?
Me: I don't see any toucans in here.
What is a medieval owl called?
A knight owl.
What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat?
‘Here Kitty, kitty, kitty’!
What did the cat say when something bad happened? That’s un-fur-tunate!
The scare crow was out standing in his field, so he got awarded as the best employee of the year.
What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth?
Hard cheese!
Why did one camel spit and stomp when the other camel stole its cheese?
Because they’re “dramadairies”
What does Spider-man become when he joins the circus?
an aracnobat.
What kind of car do bears drive?
Fur-aris.
What did the duck eat for snack?
Salted Quackers.
Which frog has horns?
A bull frog.
What did the big stag deer say to the hunter?
“Buck off, man!”
What did the carrot say to the rabbit? Do you want to grab a bite?
What do you get if you cross a wasp with a doorbell?
A hum-dinger!
What kind of computer does a worm have? A Macintosh.
What do you call a deer that can write with both hands?
Bambi-dextrous.
What’s does a winged horse like to munch on?
Pe-grass-us.
Did you hear about the cat who drank ten bowls of water? It set a new lap record
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
Pig always have ink all over their faces because they live in a pen.
Why do ants work so hard?
They are all serv-ants.
How do you save a drowning otter? Take your foot of its head
Why was the horse sad she didn’t get the job?
She was flanking on it.
here do lobsters go to borrow money? The prawn broker.
What do a mommy bee and a daddy bee make when they have alone time?
A babe-bee.
What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.
Have you heard the joke about the giraffe’s neck?
Let me warn you, it’s a long one.
Q. Which kind of cheese is made fom deer milk?
A. Moose-erella.
Why did the piglet yell at his sibling at the dinner table? She was hogging the food.
What do you call a nervous baby ant?
A little antsy.
What’s black and white and red all over?
A sunburned panda.
What do you call a kangaroo DJ?
Disc joey.
What’s black and white and goes round and round?
A panda stuck in a revolving door.
Where do fish wash?
In a river basin.
What do you get if you cross a glow worm with some beer?
Light ale!
Why was the deer a good driver? He was great at using the deering wheel!
Why was the Pirate sad when his parrot left him?.
It gave him the cold shoulder.
What do you call a pig that drives around recklessly?
A road hog.
Why did Jesus ask Judas to crave the turkey?
Beause he knows he likes stabbing others in the back.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalfeinated.
Who were the original transformers? Vampire bats!
What do you call an alligator who kills bugs all day long?
A fumigator.
What is a kangaroo’s favorite season?
Spring!
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
Why are tigers striped? Because they never want to be spotted.
Why didn’t the lobster and crab share their lunch with an octopus?
Because they are too shellfish.
What do stylish kangaroos wear?
Jumpsuits.
The chicken farmer died under mysterious circumstances.
The police suspect fowl play.
Why are parrots so loyal? They are a man of their bird!
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