Q: What do you call a French guy being mauled by a tiger?
A: Claude.
What do you call a horse on a boat attached to land?
Docked.
Why is the snail the strongest animal? Because he carries a house on his back!
Why did the worm leave the Apple?
Because Noah said to travel in pairs
What does an owl need after having a bath?
A t-owl.
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
Stopped by a roadside stand that said lobster tails $2. I paid my $2 and he said...
Once upon a time there was this lobster...
Do hairless goats wish they had mohair?
Why couldn't anyone see the flamingo? It was in de skies.
What do you get when you mix a sheep and a kangaroo
A wooly jumper
How do beavers make a bouncy dam? Well, they use spring water.
Why did the horse like her new backpack?
The straps were adju-stable.
When someone accidentally stepped on his foot, the wolf screamed, Aoooowwwww!
Flamingoes have a special name for one of their numbers who has passed away. They call it flamingone.
Who were the original transformers? Vampire bats!
What made the dinosaur's car stop ? A flat Tire-annosaurus
Q. Which kind of deer has a serious drinking problem?
A. The elk-oholic.
How do flamingos clean themselves? They flaminget a shower.
What’s a llama’s favorite song?
Llama Chameleon.
What do alligators and Windows have in common?
Neither of them has enough bytes!
What did the bat say to the friend who itched and squirmined?
Come back when you have washed out the virmin.
The only difference between pea soup and roast beef is anyone can roast beef.
The Easter Bunny won’t be making his usual rounds this year. He’s laid up with a hareline fracture.
A bear walks into a bear and says, “I’ll have a pint of lager……….. and a packet of crisps.”
The bartender says, “Sure, but what’s with the big pause?”
The bear replies, “I dunno, I was born with them!”
What is a giraffe’s favorite fruit?
Necktarines.
Dad: Where do desert nomads buy their camels?
Son: I dunno. Where?
Dad: at Camelot.
Why didn’t the teddy bear eat his lunch?
Because he was stuffed.
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.
What’s green and pecks on trees?
Woody the Wood Pickle.
A zoo owner introduced his tiger to the visitors by saying "this is the most paw-some tiger at the zoo".
Why did the rabbit like the adventure? It was a “hare-raising tail.”
What's grey, beautiful and wears glass slippers?
Cinderella-phant.
What do you call a dinosaurs fart? "A blast from the past"
What does a cat say when it gets injured? MeOWWW!
Why was Pegasus such a good ballerina?
He was flo-wing.
What’s the one book all piglets read in grade school? A Series of Un-porcine-ite Events.
Where do Egyptians seal away their drugs?
In a narcophagus.
Emo bunnies just do not carrot all.
What do you call a Mexican bear with a rubber toe?
Robearto.
Being shellfless entails volunteering at the relief center during disaster.
A boy sees an alligator in the zoo and shouts,
“Hey, are you a caiman?”
The alligator replies, “I’m alright, thanks, kid!”
The tiger asked his longtime friend, "Will you be my tigerlfriend."
I had a job circumcising elephants.
The base salary wasn't great, but the tips were huge.
If there's a bee in my hand, then what's in my eye?
Beauty.
Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder.
What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
Where do cats go when they die? Purr-gatory.
What did the bear say when her date showed up too early?
I’ll be out in a minute, I’m bearly dressed.
What is a koala bear’s favorite line in the movie “The Sixth Sense”? “Aussie dead people.”
What jumps up and down in front of a car?
Froglights.
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
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