What do you call a beaver with a bad attitude who acts lazy? A beaver that doesn’t give a dam.
Where does a rottweiler sit in the cinema?
Anywhere it wants to.
Who’s a llama’s favorite actor?
Al Pacacino.
What does a bookworm do during a baseball game? Worm the bench.
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
What did the beaver say to his girlfriend?
Chew make me feel warm and fuzzy on the inside.
Q. Which deer was a fascist dictator?
A. Moose Al Ini.
He has some good puns on crows, but he doesn’t have to keep crowing about it.
Have you ever wondered which part of the flamingo has the most feathers? I found out once – turns out it’s the outside.
Who puts money under a deer’s pillow when they lose a tooth?
The hoof fairy.
Today my son drew a picture of a kangaroo without a body.
I couldn't make heads or tails of it.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
What do you get if you cross a squirrel with an elephant?
An animal that remembers where it hid its nuts.
That romantic cow took his new girlfriend to the moo-vies.
How did the sheep farmer become best in his field?
Shear luck.
Where do fish stay on a campsite?
Fish stay in tentacles while they are camping!
What do koalas do when they see social injustice happening in the world? They fight for ekoalaty!
What did the grape say when the bat squished on it? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
I was she-shocked when my pet turtle died.
A gang of ravens scared off individual crows and cornered them together. Well, you can say that a conspiracy of ravens preplanned a murder of crows.
Where do most koala movie stars live? In Koalawood, Koalafornia, of course!
What is a good place for bat jokes?
A public bat room.
Did you hear about the kid that ate a whole pack of candy worms?
It’s a sour tale!
What do you call an and with frogs legs?
An antphibian.
How does a kangaroo win a gold medal?
In the long jump.
Which chicken is at the top of the pecking order?
Attila the Hen.
What do you call a dream when a vampire bat is chasing you?
A bat-mare.
How do pigs greet their family and friends?
With hogs and kisses.
Where did the kittens go on a school field trip? To the mewseum
What do you call a frog spy?
A croak and dagger agent.
Flaked tuna is a great product for both campers, and dolphins
It's truly useful for all in tents, and porpoises.
How do you apologize to a koala? BEAR your heart and soul.
What’s the first thing a gorilla learns in school? The ape b c’s.
I really like the Lion King
and every day the urge to sing one of the songs is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away.
Dear Turkey, don't worry... they only love us for our breasts too. Sincerely, all women.
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken joke wasn't invented yet.
What’s a goat’s favorite drink?
Goat-arade.
When do chickens go to bed?
Half past hen!
What do you call a fight between squirrels?
A squarrel
What makes a glow worm glow?
A light meal!
What do you call a cold dog sitting on a rabbit? A chili dog on a bun!
Why do owls always by mystery novels?
They love hoo-dunits.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
In what country is Thanksgiving ironically not celebrated? Turkey.
A homicide detective walks into a bar and orders a beer.
"Hey look at those birds outside," the bartender comments to him. "Did you know that a group of crows like that is called a murder?"
"Well you can't be sure that's a murder," the detective says. "Unless there is probable caws."
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
What do you give a sick penguin?
Tweetment.
Why did the koala get fired from his job?
Because he would only do the bear minimum.
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