What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
Q. What do you call gorillaS who just monkey around at the gym?
A. Buff-oons
What did the duck say when the waitress came?
Put it on my bill.
What did the cat say when he ate the clownfish? This tastes a little funny!
What do you call a veterinarian that specializes in canines?
A dogtor.
My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered...
"Swarm."
What do you call a smartass bird of prey?
A know it owl.
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
My wife has been giving me a hard time about my drinking. Eventually, I agreed to quit cold turkey.
Never cared for leftovers anyway.
When fishing, is there ever a good reason to take the worm off the hook?
I guess that’s debaitable.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? Boy! I'm stuffed!
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues.
Where do horses buy groceries?
Whinny-Dixie.
What’s a shark favorite substance?
Reefer.
What did the worm say to his friend when he got stuck in pumpkin?
Worm your way out of that one!
Who in the hell names their son “Tiger” ?
Only people in the Woods’
A mosquito asks for a date: "I'd like to take you out to suck blood on someones leg"
She says "I don't know, I feel like I'm going out on a limb here."
What was the turkey suspected of? Fowl play.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
What do you need to know to teach a dinosaur tricks? More than the dinosaur.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
Calling my new dog “Shark” was a mistake.
I’ve been banned from all my local beaches.
Was the koala able to complete the grueling 26-mile marathon? Bearly.
I ordered chicken fingers tossed in Buffalo sauce the other day
I asked the chef to be gentle while tossing them though. Because they’re tenders.
I tried riding a camel instead of a horse once.
It had its ups and downs.
What do you get when you cross a tortoise and a llama?
A turtle-neck sweater.
What do you call a buffet for sheep?
All you can bleat!
What did the seal with a broken arm say to the shark?
"Do not consume if seal is broken."
What is a mouse’s favorite game?
Hide and squeak!
Have you seen the gators on skateboards, they are great alli-skaters.
What should you do if you find a dinosaur in your bed ? Find somewhere else to sleep!
What do you drive in a river? An otter-mobile.
How did the rabbit become a wrestling champion? It had a lot of hare pins!
Why did the bat walk in her pijamas to take a bath?
Because she did not have a bat robe.
What separates humans from dolphins?
The surface of the water.
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
Why do dinosaurs eat raw meat? Because they don't know how to cook.
Two male zebras in the Zoo started making rap-music.
They're called the Zbruhs.
Q. Where can you view sculptures and paintings created by deer?
A. At the art moose-seum.
What’s black and white and goes round and round?
A panda stuck in a revolving door.
What vehicle does T-Rex use to go from planet to planet? A Dinosaucer
How did the little koala bear stop the movie? She hit the paws button.
What does a bankrupt frog say?
Baroke, baroke, baroke.
Where do parrots get away on holiday? To the beak!
When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo,
I had to put my foot down.
What kind of helmet does a hermit crab wear?
A shell-met!
What’s the difference between a fly and an eagle?
An eagle can fly but a fly cannot eagle.
What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
Winnie the PU!
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