What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish?
A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.
What do crocodiles wear to keep their legs dry in the water?
Gaiters.
Why shouldn’t you tell an owl your secrets?
They’re always talon everyone.
I tried to phone the spiritual leader of Tibet once, but I was sent a big goat with a long neck instead.
I must have phoned Dial-a-Llama by mistake.
Where do ants go on vacation?
Frants.
What do you call an ant who joins the army?
Milit-ant.
What is a bear’s favorite drink?
Koka-Koala.
What do you call a super articulate dinosaur?
A Thesaurus.
A fight between tiger and lion broke out. Both of them wanted to become the next empe-roar of the jungle.
Why did the duck cross the road?
Because there was a quack in the sidewalk.
Why was Pegasus such a good ballerina?
He was flo-wing.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
How do snails get their shells so shiny? They use snail varnish!
I tried to keep a koala in my house, but the smell was just unBEARable.
A flamingo can be a really good friend to have. However, they generally fit the bill really well.
What’s black, dangerous and hides in trees?
A crow with a machine gun.
Flamingos are pretty daring birds. They like just about anything, as long as it’s eggs-citing.
What do you call a monkey that sells potato chips?
A chipmunk.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
When a girl saw a sad alligator at the zoo she asked him; hey are you cai-man?
Police are investigating a string of homicides which have occurred over the last two weeks. The victims have identified as Cap'n Crunch, Toucan Sam, Tony the Tiger, and the latest victim, Lucky the Leprechaun.
They are looking for a cereal killer.
What's an owl's favorite subject at school?
Owl-gebra.
What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak?
Mouse code!
How can you tell when a polar bear is moving?
There’s a “fur sale” sign in the yard.
What game do bats like to play with birds?
Bat-mington.
Why do crabs never give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish.
I was talking to a barn owl last night, when I mentioned that I'd just got engaged.
He said, "You twit! To who?"
What do you call a mosquito with a turbo?
A bug-hati.
The favourite day of the week for wolves is moonday.
What do you call an old dog?
Grandpaw.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite movie?
A. Planet of the Apes.
What do you call a monkey at the North Pole?
Lost.
Where do fish stay on a campsite?
Fish stay in tentacles while they are camping!
So what did the Mother bee say to her misbehaving bee son
"Beehive!"
Two snakes parted.
The first one said, “Fangs for the memories”.
What do chickens study in school?
Eggonomics.
What happened when they planted new bamboo trees at the zoo?
It was pandamonium out there!
What do llamas always say after yoga class?
“Llamaste.”
I was at the beach today when I saw a man in the sea yelling “Help, shark! Help!”
I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
What type of key opens a banana?
A monkey.
And the collective nouns go: a murder of crows, a herd of cows, a migraine of children.
My friend, who's a geneticist and a rapper crossed a gorilla with an orang utan
That's his new mixed ape.
What is a dog’s favorite movie about dinosaurs?
Jurassic Bark.
Why did the giant ape climb up the side of the skyscraper?
Because the elevator was broken.
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
What did the pig say to his friend who had been cheated upon?
Please don't go bacon this relationship.
Sheep jokes are bad.
Really baaaaaaa-d.
Where do bats like to relax?
In the bat-tub.
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing? “I’m not a people porcine.”
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