What is just as big as a gorilla but literally weighs nothing?
A gorilla's shadow.
Why did the magician have to cancel his show? Because he just washed his hare and couldn’t do a thing with it.
Where do otters keep their money? In the river bank!
My wife has been giving me a hard time about my drinking. Eventually, I agreed to quit cold turkey.
Never cared for leftovers anyway.
What do you call a deer wearing an explosive vest?
Bombi.
Why wouldn’t the papa bear use a navigation system in his truck?
Because he never lost his bearings.
Did you hear about the croc calling the frog? He just croc-o-dialled.
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
Why don’t rabbits get hot in the summertime? They have hare conditioning!
Why are bunnies always tired in April? Because they just finished a March.
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps!
What do you get when you cross a chicken with a bell?
An alarm cluck.
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
What problem did the young bat experience?
The hangout.
Where do kittens learn to move around? On the catwalk
That alligator took great photos, he was a bit of a snapper.
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
How did the calf’s final exam turn out?
Grade A.
The expensive dog has gone missing.
However, police are saying that at least they have a lead. Once she is found they will Retriever.
What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning? "Excuse Me... ahem... To be or not to be roasted, that is the question!"
Why cant a mosquito stand on his feet?
because they dont have mosquiTOES.
What do you call a Spanish Goat with no hind legs?
Gracias
What do you call a group of dyslexic crows?
A redrum.
What Did The Duck Say When The Waitress Came?
Put it on my bill!
Where does a rottweiler sit in the cinema?
Anywhere it wants to.
Have you heard the joke about the giraffe’s neck?
Let me warn you, it’s a long one.
Why did the horse go to jail?
The prosecutors failed to show the burden of hoof.
What did the dolphin say when it broke its neighbor’s window?
It wasn’t on porpoise!
Evolution is so strange. Dolphins started off as sea creatures, then evolved to have legs, only to eventually return to the sea and lose them.
Kinda defeets the porpoise, don't you think?
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
Where are sharks from?
Finland!
What does Pooh Bear call his girl friend?
Hunny.
How do you know when a baby koala bear is happy? You’ll see them jump for joey!
What food did the Gorilla order when he went to France?
Ape Suzettes.
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
Q. Which country was founded by wild gorillas?
A. The Banana Republic.
What did the pony say to the Jedi Knight before she left on her adventure?
“May the horse be with you.”
Why wasn't King Kong able to climb to the top of the Empire State Building?
He couldn't quite fit in the elevator.
What animal would you most like to be on a cold day?
A little otter...
What do you call a beaver with a bad attitude who acts lazy? A beaver that doesn’t give a dam.
Looking after more than one elephant at a time requires the ability to multi-tusk.
What do you call an ant running away with another ant?
Ant-elope.
What kind of bugs live in clocks? Ticks!
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.
Baby seal walks into a club...
Years later he would sing A kiss from a rose in the same club.
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
What is a lion’s favourite cheese?
Roarquefort
What do you can a kangaroo covered in tape?
Hopscotch
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