Q. What do you call gorillaS who just monkey around at the gym?
A. Buff-oons
Why do bees hum?
Because they don't know the words.
We did not understand what the mother turtle was saying because it was all in ridleys.
How do bats tell their future?
They read their horrors-cope.
Did you hear about the doctor who was practicing bee venom therapy without a license?
He was arrested in a sting operation.
Why did the pony turn himself in?
He felt rem-horse.
What do you call a panda who’s lost his dinner?
Bamboozled.
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
Why are parrots the life of the party? Every day is their bird-day!
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite candy?
Lollihops.
What did the horse reply when asked if it would try water polo?
“I would dapple.”
My wife and I are very competitive, but when it came to flamingo impersonation, I didn't stand a chance
She had a leg up the whole time.
What two members of the cow family go everywhere with you?
Your calves.
What do you call a squirrel with no nuts?
A female squirrel.
What do llamas do when they eat outside together?
They have an alpacanic.
What was wrong with the deer’s smile?
He had buck teeth.
Where do rabbits learn how to fly? In the hare force!
The reason the cow wore a bell around her neck was because her horn didn’t work anymore.
Where do pigs keep their money? Why in the piggy bank, of course.
Why are mice afraid of the water?
Because of catfish.
I’ll have a crocodile sandwich please, and make it snappy!
Why was the cow always exercising? To build up its moo-scles
What’s something a kangaroo has that no other animal has?
Baby kangaroos.
What do you call a cold, angry pig? A ham-brr-grr.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite season?
Spring.
What animal jumps when it walks and sits when it stands?
A kangaroo.
Why doesn’t an owl study for a test?
They prefer to wing it.
What is a koala bear’s favorite line in the movie “The Sixth Sense”? “Aussie dead people.”
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
Why wasn't the hunter allowed to bring his antelope and buffalo with him on the plane?
You're only allowed one carrion.
Dolphins don't have accidents.
They do everything on porpoise.
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.
What do you call a glass of alcoholic pig’s blood? Swine.
2 flies are playing soccer on a plate.
One says to the other "you'd better pick up your game Louie, we're playing in the cup tomorrow".
Q. What do you get when you cross a doe with a bull?
A. A deery cow.
What goes white black white black white black red?
A panda that falls from a cliff.
What did the drug diller say to the duck?
Are you on quack?
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
Why are there old dinosaur bones in the museum? Because they can't afford new ones!
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!
What do chicken families do on Saturday afternoon?
They go on peck-nics.
Why don’t kangaroos make good sailors?
Because they’re always jumping ship.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? Boy! I'm stuffed!
Why did the owl invite his friends over?
He didn't want to be owl by himself.
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road, rolls in the dirt, crosses the road again, and then rolls in the dirt again?
A dirty double-crossing chicken.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
What do you get when you cross a pig and superman?
The Man of Squeal.
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
Young goats should be careful when they're out and and about and shouldn't jump into a stranger's car.
That's how you get kidnapped.
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