How do you make a duck sing soul music?
Put him in the microwave until his Bill Withers
What was the worm doing in the cornfield?
He was going in one ear and out the other!
Why are beavers only found in freshwaters? Because they don't like stale water.
How does a Spanish dog say Merry Christmas?
Feliz navi-dog.
What is a koala’s favorite Christmas carol? Deck the halls with boughs of holly, koala-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!!!
What do you call a kangaroo that asks for seconds on ramen?
A more-soupial
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
Where do beavers keep their money? Well, they keep it in the riverbank.
What South American dance do cows like to do?
The Rump-a.
Why don't gorillas vote?
They're ape-political.
What has 4 wheels and flies?
Garbage truck
What did the baby chicken say when he saw his mother sitting on an orange?
Dad, look what marma-laid!
Police are investigating a string of homicides which have occurred over the last two weeks. The victims have identified as Cap'n Crunch, Toucan Sam, Tony the Tiger, and the latest victim, Lucky the Leprechaun.
They are looking for a cereal killer.
Where do crabs invest their money?
A sea bank.
What do you say when your horse proposes to your other horse?
Call the marrier!
What do rodents say when they play bingo?
‘Eyes down for a full mouse’!
The inventor of mosquito repellent likely did not know where to begin...
I guess he would have to start from scratch.
I went to the Chinese buffet on crab leg night and ate my fill, but they kicked me out.
They said I was being too shellfish.
What did the maggot say to another?
What's a nice maggot like you doing in a joint like this?
Why did the beaver cross the river? To get to the other side of the river.
Why did the chicken go to the zoo?
To get to the otter slide.
What did the confused cat say? I’m purr-plexed!
My sheep-powered computer was starting to run slowly
So I added more ram
How could you tell the horse gained weight?
It had extra girth.
There’s a lot of debate over where the best place to punch a shark is.
Personally, I think it’s the sea.
What did the squirrel say to its baby before it had to leave?
I'm gonna go out on a limb here.
Why was the pig a pathological liar? It’s a porcine-ality disorder.
What do you call it when a pig loses its memory? Hamnesia.
How do horses greet each other?
“Hayyyyy.”
What has 80 teeth and 2 eyes ?
A crocodile.
How do mice celebrate when they move home? With a mouse warming party!
How can a camel walk the desert without getting hungry? Because of all the sandwhiches there.
The story of the chicken and cow running away together sounds like a cock and bull story to me.
I wanted to catch a squirrel but I didn't know how.
So I decided to climb a tree and act like a nut.
What did the crow decide to dress up as on Halloween? As a scarecrow.
What is an owl’s dream occupation?
Flight attendant.
Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in the pole position.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite movie?
A. Planet of the Apes.
How many worms does it take to eat a zombie?
It depends on the size of the zombie!
How do elephants bathe?
With their trunks on.
What do you call a cemetery for bears?
Bearial grounds.
What is a seals favorite subject?
Art Art Art Art!
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
What did the zoologist and the herbalist name their child? Tiger Woods.
What did the woodworm say to the chair?
It's been nice gnawing you.
What does a turtle do during winter? Sit by the fire and worm himself up.
What do you call a dinosaur that lost his glasses? uthinkhesawrus
I gave my wife that new gorilla glue chapstick...🦍💄
It left her speechless
Wolves love taking woofles for breakfast, they are sweet and amazing.
What do you can an ant scientist?
Albert Antstein.
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