What is the poshest breed of dog?
A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye? Doyouthinkhesawus
The local zoo just started a recycling collection program to support its mission: 'When you bring in one can, you can save Toucans.'
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
Where do monkeys go when they lose their tails?
To a retailer.
What did the sea say to the penguin?
Nothing, it just waved.
What does a chicken need to lay an egg every day?
Hen-durance.
My grandfather had the heart of a tiger
And a lifetime ban at the zoo
What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone?
A golden receiver.
What do you call a group of lions partying on ships in Gibraltar?
A strait pride parade.
At What Time Does A Duck Wake Up?
At the quack of dawn.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
Why was the pig a pathological liar? It’s a porcine-ality disorder.
How do you make a pig really happy on his birthday? Throw him a sow-prize party.
Why was the actress scared of the deer?
She had stag fright.
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
Q. Which deer was a fascist dictator?
A. Moose Al Ini.
What’s the difference between a gross bus stop and a crab with large breasts?
One’s a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
What did the baby deer say to his friend?
“I’m so fawn-d of you!”
What did one Emperor Penguin say to the other?
Nothing, he just gave him the cold shoulder.
The group of crows that attacked the lady was accused of murder, the cawps are still looking for the probable caws.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
What do you get when you cross a cow with a wolf?
An animal that mooed at the full moon.
What do we learn from cows, buffaloes and elephants?
It’s impossible to reduce weight by eating green grass and salads and walking.
What does a koala do before making any kind of appointment? He always checks his koalander.
Which are the best mathematicians amongst the snake family?
The adders.
What says “Quick, Quick”?
A duck with the hiccups
What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage?
A perch!
What do you call a talking kangaroo?
A quantum leap.
Where do parrots invest their money?
In the stork market
What's the difference between an owl and an Irish funeral?
One's awake in the night and the other's a wake in the day.
What do you call vampires bats that cheer at football games?
Bat-on-twirlers.
What does a winged horse drink from at a party?
A keg-asus.
How does a group of sea turtles make a decision?
They flipper a coin.
A beaver asked his fellow beavers to hurry up and said, "Water you waiting for, make haste."
Who did the goats vote for as president?
Billy Clinton.
What does a snail wear to go dancing?? Escargogo boots.
Why are cats scared of trees?
Because of their bark.
What happened when a bat misbehaved in night school?
She got suspended.
Did you heard about the zombie crow? He wants to eat your grains.
To whom did the squirrel go to seek out his fortune.
Nutradamus.
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face? A mouse-tache!
Why do owls shower so often?
So they don’t smell fowl.
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
Knock knock!
Who is there?
Beaver
Beaver who?
Be-ware of the turbulent river.
Why does a duck say quack?
Because it can’t say moo.
What do you call a mouse that doesn’t like being known about-?
Anonymouse.
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
A Bee?
A bee who?
A beaver is building a dam on the river.
What do you can a kangaroo covered in tape?
Hopscotch
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