What’s the difference between a gross bus stop and a crab with large breasts?
One’s a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
What do you call rabbits that live at the North Pole? Cold.
Why did the bank have the squirrel arrested?
He was foraging checks.
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
What do you call a shrimp hit by a car?
Road krill.
A spider, a snake, and a kangaroo walk into a bar…
It’s a normal day in Australia.
Her: "Buffalo meat is delicious. What are they made of? Beef?"
Me: "No... They're made of buff."
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
What do you get if you cross an alligator with a flower?
I don’t know, but I will not smell it!
Why didn’t the horse tell her friend she was a thief?
She didn’t want to saddle her with that information.
Why are tigers said to be religious? Because they frequently prey with all their family members.
Why shouldn’t you drive with a vampire?
He will drive you batty.
A flamingo only ever asks for a plaster when it hurts its pinky.
What do you give a sick penguin?
Tweetment.
Of all the best pieces of wolf advice, this is my favorite, “stand fur what you believe”
Why does a duck say quack?
Because it can’t say moo.
What is small, furry and brilliant at sword fights?
A mouseketeer!
What do you call an ant with big hair?
Bouff-ant.
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues.
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
What did the duck who learned physics say?
Quark, quark.
The poor werewolf was busy chasing his own tail. We were later told that he was trying to make ends meet.
What do you call a spider with ten eyes?
A spiiiiiiiiiider.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a leaf blower? A hare dryer!
What do you call a rainbow you ride your horse on?
A rein-bow.
How do you know a flmaingo has stolen your shoes?
Only one shoe is missing.
What do you call a duck with fangs?
Count Duckula.
Why did the bat walk in her pijamas to take a bath?
Because she did not have a bat robe.
What do you call it when a raven marries a crow? A conspiracy to commit to murder.
What do you call a bat with ebola? African batman.
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
If you ever need directions, call for a navi-gator.
Kangaroos can grow up to six feet.
Most only grow two.
Why did the duck cross the road?
Because there was a quack in the sidewalk.
Why was the koala scientist so well-respected by his peers? He was known for conducting excellent koalatative research.
Why should you never fight a Gorilla?
They know king kong fu.
My dog won’t get off the PlayStation He’s been playing Fi-fur all day.
My brother was trampled to death by a flock of sheep.
May he rest in fleece.
Which animal can hibernate while standing on its head?
Yoga Bear.
What do you call a dinosaur with high heels? My-feet-are-saurus
Why did the cat get fined? He was caught littering
Who dosent eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey because it is always stuffed.
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
Why did the panda’s joke suck?
It was unbearable.
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A brick layer.
The big cat was known around town to wear a lot of funky ties. Everyone called him the tie-ger.
Can one tropical bird change a lightbulb?
No, but toucan.
Why don’t rabbits get hot in the summertime? They have hare conditioning!
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